Change of Heart
by SereneDefiance
Summary: When Ethan moves to Forks, he doesn't know what to expect. Everything starts to unravel. What will happen when secrets don't stay hidden? Read and review! I seriously love reviews. Slash! Of course, I do not own the Twilight Saga :) On Hiatus! Hopefully will be updated multiple times by the end of 2017
1. Meeting

I thought I knew what I was doing when I drove down the road to La Push beach. He was here, I could feel him. I was having trouble breathing as I shifted into park. I just wanted him to accept me, I needed it...All of the pain that I had been trying to keep down came to the surface, and my vision was tinted around the edges with black. I heard my name just before I let the darkness take me.

* * *

I groaned as I rolled over to hit my alarm clock that was blaring. I suppose it was time for me to get up and go to school. I quickly got ready, showered, dressed, brushed my teeth. I took the stair two at a time as I rushed to the front door. "Be careful," my father called from the living room. "Thanks dad." I grabbed my backpack and jumped into my 1996 Jeep. The green paint was fading or peeling off of the front, but I didn't feel the need to repaint it. It was my Jeep, and I loved it the way it was. I had grown up in Washington, but I had only moved to Forks over the summer. The council members in La Push wanted us to move onto the reservation because that is where my mother was from, but my father couldn't handle it, he could barely handle moving here, but this is where his boss sent him. I don't know what my dad's job is exactly…He does some type of undercover work so I can't know the details.

I sighed as I pulled into the lot of Forks High School. What am I doing here? I found a spot quickly and walked past everyone looking straight ahead. I made my way to the office for my schedule and headed to my first class. Math will always be boring to me, at least at these lower levels. Note: Request placement test for higher level math. My classmates laughed and groaned their way through the class, and we moved. Each class was the standard first day back and I was fine so far apart from math, but I had yet to go to my biology class. At lunch I wandered through the cafeteria and noticed a table that no one seemed to want to sit at, of course I chose there. I opened my backpack to find the lunch my father packed me as I heard a collective gasp come from the room. A girl who looked to be about my age, maybe older sat down next to me.

I looked up to see her long brunette hair flip over her shoulder and her eyes bore into me, "Hi" She smiled at me and put her hand out, "I am Renesmee." She was pretty, and many eyes stared at us. I gave my best smile back, "Ethan. Did I take your table?" She shakes her head, "Not really. This is where my family used to sit when they attended this school. And I don't really like some of the looks I get so I decided to make it a tradition." I nodded at her and took a bite of my sandwich, "So it's ok if I sit here?" She pulled a muffin out of her bag, "I think I might like the company. I get pretty lonely here. I'm not used to it." She took a bite out of her muffin, "So you're new here. What brings you to the small town of Forks? I can't imagine it's the beautiful weather." I shrugged, "Actually, I prefer this weather. The rain, the clouds, the snow. And it makes the sunny days all the more beautiful. My dad's job made us move. Not that I mind. It's good to know new people." I finished my lunch and looked down at my russet colored arms; I understood some of the whispers that had followed me through my classes, that I looked like I belonged to the reservation. I had all the trademarks in a slightly lesser way, except my eyes were bright green.

"I wonder…Do you have biology after this?" I looked up at her question, "Yeah though, I might need to switch to a higher level. I took a lot of these classes already and I just get bored to tears if I have to repeat them." She grins, "I completely understand. I might have the same problem." We both laughed and talked about basic school things for a while longer before heading to Biology. I was taller than Renesmee, slender and my hair was almost the same shade as hers. All eyes were on us which confused me greatly. Why do they stare? It is a small town I suppose.

We sat together, earning us even more looks, but suddenly I felt a wave of calm come over me and it helped to settle me down. The class was just as boring as I expected, and after looking over the plan for the semester, I knew I couldn't sit through the class for long. Renesmee smiled, "Switching?" I nodded, "Renesmee, I hope we can switch today because I just can't listen to the questions that will go unanswered. I tutored for this level at my old school. This is ridiculous."

She laughed and it sounded like bells, "You can call me Nessie. I think we will be good friends. I'll see you after school in the office to switch classes." She walked off and I finished the rest of the day, still listening to the whispers of how I belong to the reservation, and now adding, "Why would she hang out with the newbie? She doesn't hang out with anyone…" All I could do was smile, pretending I didn't hear, because I didn't have the answers. And I didn't feel like explaining my story of why I was here.

In the office, after a few minutes of explanation, and showing the secretary my old school records, they bumped me into advanced courses of both math and science. Unfortunately my classes were now with seniors which meant that the looks I was getting, would probably get worse. I sighed and Nessie walked up, "Hey Ethan. We'll be in the science class together at least." He smiled, "Yeah. How do you think the seniors will take to having a sophomore in their class?" She grinned, "I'm sure they'll get over it." I pulled out my phone, "I'm not being weird, but I would like to give you my number. As you are the only one who does not seem to think my presence here is too odd. Call me or text me if you want."

"You're silly. But I'll take it. And I'll send you a text so you have mine. There will be a party or whatever in a few weeks I think. If we are still getting along then, I will let you know the details." She waved and I headed back to my Jeep. The car roared as it came to life and I went home. I unlocked the house and started unpacking boxes that my father hadn't gotten around to. Eventually I got around to cooking something. Luckily my father had done the grocery shopping and remembered to take the list that I had written out. I unpacked some of the plastic containers for leftovers because I would be eating alone tonight and I always made enough for four. I made steaks, broccoli, and mashed potatoes and gravy. I served my own helping onto a plate, and before I sat down, I packed away the other three helpings in the containers and tucked them into the fridge. I set some of the dishes to soak, and then I sat down with my food. Eating in silence.

Same old same old. No matter where I went, I always was alone. I checked my phone and there was a message from Nessie. _Hey. What are you doing next Friday?_ I smiled. I was glad for the distraction, my mind had just started to wander. I finished my food and started washing the dishes before I responded. _I'll be free. What do you have in mind?_

I went up to my room and leaned back on my bed after changing into my pajama bottoms, I don't know why I was so tired, but I was out in a minute.

 **My heart was pounding. My chest ached, and I couldn't move my hands. "Where am I?" A maniacal laugh rang through my ears. I couldn't see through the blindfold, but I recognized the voice. "No…" He just continued to laugh and laugh, and I could feel his hands move across my stomach and grab hold of my hips, flipping me over.**

I woke up with a jolt. Panting, I clutched my shirt, trying to catch my breath. I fell back into my pillows and looked at the clock. Four AM. No way I was going back to sleep. I checked my phone to see two new messages from Nessie. _Just plan on me meeting you at your place. I'll need the address._

 _I'm taking your silence as a yes. So send me the address, see you at school tomorrow._

I sighed, I've never been one for surprises. I decided if I was going to be awake, I might as well do something with my time. I went downstairs and finished unpacking, dried and put the dishes away, and made a small breakfast, an omelet with spinach, ham and mushrooms. Mmm. I made a second one without the mushrooms after I ate and took it to the room my father claimed as his study. I knocked first, "Hey dad?" I could hear him on the phone with someone, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. He eventually responded to my knocking and I walked in with his breakfast, "Here you go. I knew you would be up." I set it down in front of him and set down the glace of orange juice and his silverware before giving him a brief hug and walking out.

I decided, since it was now six AM, that it would be ok to respond to Nessie. _Sure. I'll let you keep it a secret this time. But for future reference I'm not a big fan of surprises. :)_

I felt the smiley face was necessary because I didn't want to sound rude or anything. I sent her my address in the second message. Then I began my morning routine for getting ready for school.

The new classes were already a challenge. Perfect. At least this way, I wouldn't be bored. Nessie and I started to get to know each other, and I was glad to have a friend. "So tell me about your family," I told her at lunch one day. She shifted in her seat, "Well I love my parents. Dad is a little over protective at times, but when I was younger, Aunt Rose was worse." She smiled, "My family loves me. Papa Carlisle and Mama Esme take such good care of everyone. Aunt Alice is a great party planner and Uncle Jas seems to be the only one who can calm her from one of her over excited planning sprees. Uncle Em teaches me to rough and tumble with the boys and Aunt Rose teaches me how to be a proper lady. All they want is for me to be happy. Even when we fight, it's hard to stay mad." She was practically glowing with love for them. It made me yearn for that feeling.

"They sound great Ness," my voice giving away my moment of sadness. "Since we're sharing, my mom passed away when I was young, she died in a hunting accident. My father could never get her to leave her old ways behind, she was actually from La Push. My father was beside himself when it happened." Her hand touched mine and I could see the funeral, my father's downcast face, feel how I went from being a boy to trying to be the man while he tried to regain his confidence. I started taking over the chores and things that mom had done and my dad eventually returned to his routines. "I never really had time to grieve, so to avoid it I distract myself with things. Reading, school. Anything." She took her hand from mine and gave me a hug, "I'm sorry Ethan."

I hugged her back and leaned away, "I didn't mean to make the conversation sad." I shook myself a moment and gave a half smile to her, "Anyway. Can you give me any details for Friday?" She leaned away too, her eyes lighting up, "We are going to introduce you to some people." I stared at her, "At least tell me what to wear. I'm hoping this is a casual thing?" She nodded, "Yeah, I didn't let Alice plan anything, though I am sure she'll add in a surprise or two."

My dad was glad to know that I had made a friend, "Enjoy your time son. One day you'll be a busy adult without the time to spare." I hated it when he gave me those lectures, but I smiled at him anyway. When classes were done Friday, I went home and showered quickly and pulled on my most comfortable jeans and a nice v-neck tee with three quarter length sleeves. Once I had my boots laced and my belt on, I went outside to wait on the porch for Nessie.

To my surprise, she was walking up the drive as I walked out and locked the door. "Hey!" I smiled and hoped off the porch, I walked up to her and gave her a hug, earning a slight growl from her companion that I had only just taken notice of. He was taller and much buffer than me, his russet skin smooth and he had some sort of tribal tattoo on his shoulder. I stepped back and extended a hand to him, "I'm sorry. I'm Ethan, I just moved here, I don't know if Nessie told you that." He took my hand and squeezed it a little too hard and I winced as he spoke, "I'm her boyfriend, Jacob. She did tell me you just moved in. Welcome to the neighborhood." He lightened his grip and smiled at me as Nessie touched his face. He let go and hugged her to his side for a moment, "Alright Ethan, you're driving. Take us away." He smiled at me again and I looked at Nessie in confusion. "Don't worry, I'll give you directions." We piled into my Jeep and Nessie rode shot gun so she could direct, and Jacob had a near constant connection to her, resting his hand on her shoulder or her arm when she would stretch it behind the seat.

"Well here we are!" Nessie climbed out of the Jeep and Jacob and I followed. We were standing in front of a large house with tons of windows. My mouth gaped at the sight. She ran up the steps, "I'm home mom!" A woman the same height as Renesmee walked out of the house and hugged her. She then walked to where I was still standing, wide eyed, "You must be Ethan. It is lovely to meet you." A smaller woman with pixie hair came out and bounded to me, giving me a hug, "Oh! I know we are going to get along so well. I am Alice." I was confused, all of these people looked like they could be in high school with me. But I was not about to question them. Carlisle smiled at me and shook my hand, "Let me know if you need anything." We did introductions and most of her family seemed to like me. Esme was the last one I was introduced to, and we found her in the kitchen, "Ma'am may I help with anything?" She smiled and pointed to where there was an apron hanging from a cabinet, "I normally wouldn't allow a guest to help, but seeing as I have my hands full, I wouldn't mind." I put the apron on and we discussed cooking techniques and what not until the food was ready.

I packed it all up into portable containers, and carried the coolers, with the help of Jacob, to my Jeep. "Now where?" Nessie hoped in with Jacob and gave me more directions, "We are going to have a picnic." Eventually we were deep in the woods, but eventually we came to a clearing where there were a few more people that looked like they were from the reservation. There were tables set up with chairs and tiki lights put up around the area. I smiled, this was kind of cool, I had never been invited to a gathering like this. Jake and I got to work setting up the food on one of the tables and then we had another round of introductions.

Sam and Emily were first, followed by Quil and a little girl named Claire who seemed to be about seven or eight. They were kind to me and told me if I needed anything to let them know. Sam kept glancing at me as Ness introduced me to a few others, Billy was Jacob's dad and he seemed an interesting fellow, and I met Charlie, the Chief of police. Turns out, he's Bella's dad! I started to feel uncomfortable, feeling like I was intruding on a family gathering. I started to make my way to the edges as more of the Cullens showed up. I couldn't leave now. Edward patted my shoulder, "It's ok. You were invited. You are more than welcome here." I shivered as a chill ran through me, starting from where he touched me.

I rejoined the groups, and let myself relax into the good moods around me. Ness looked around for a moment then shrugged, "I'm sorry I didn't get to introduce you to everyone. Some are missing."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, "Really? There are so many people here." She giggled and Jake wrapped an arm around her waist, "Paul, Embry and Seth are missing. I wonder where they could be?"

 **Let me know what you think!**


	2. Heading Out

**Thanks for reading! All mistakes are my own. Review please! Thanks!**

After mingling and enjoying myself, I realized it was late, and I had to go or my father would send out a search party for me. "Thanks for inviting me Ness, I'll have to meet the others some other time." She nodded and Jake, to my surprise, pulled me in for a hug, patting my back gently, "See you soon. Be safe Ethan." I smiled and ran off to my Jeep, I bumped into a couple people I didn't think I had met on my way to my Jeep, but I didn't see their faces. I mumbled my apology and kept on, hoped in my Jeep and headed home for the night.

Something was bothering me by the time I unlocked the house, but I couldn't figure it out. I wanted to go back but I knew it was too late in the evening. I relocked the doors since my dad wasn't home just yet, and went up to get ready for bed. I threw on my Star Wars pajama bottoms, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

 **Running, I was running. The ground passed under my feet with ease, at a speed I was unused to but not frightened by. I was in the field of the party I had left, and the breeze made the leaves rustle in the trees. When I looked between a pairing of tall oak trees, I heard a branch snap, but I was not afraid. A pair of golden eyes peered at me, and I took a step back as a second pair of brown eyes came into view. A howl sounded in the distance as lightning cracked across the sky.**

I rolled over and looked out the window, it was slightly ajar and I could smell the rain as a breeze blew the window open further. I stretched and opened the window farther, sticking my hand out to catch some of the cold liquid in my palm. I lifted it to my face and pressed it against my warm forehead. I smiled and looked up at the dark sky as a streak of white formed, followed quickly by the sound of thunder booming in my ears.

I went downstairs and opened the back door onto the back porch and off, into the rain. I could almost see steam coming off of me as the rain feel on my bare chest. This is weird, I'm so warm. I shook my head, shaking out some of the rain from my hair as I sat in the porch swing.

The next time I woke up, it was bright and sunny. I loosened my joints, hearing some of them pop and crack as I stood. Birds chirped as I walked into my house. To my great surprise, my father had made breakfast. I mean, it was cereal and toast, but he never took the time to make food for us, together. I sat down on one of the barstools at the counter, "Hey dad. You alright?" His smile was full of life as he looked at me, something I hadn't seen in a long time, "Hey son. You always do the cooking, and I felt bad. I feel like I don't do enough around here. Come and tell me about the party last night? How was it?" I poured us both some orange juice, "Everyone I met was really nice dad. It's nice to make friends again. It's been awhile." I told him about Sam and Emily, and how delicious her food was, how nice Jacob turned out to be, and how sweet he looked with Renesmee.

He shifted in his seat, suddenly looking uncomfortable, "I'm glad you're having fun. It will make this easier." I furrowed my eyebrows together, "What do you mean dad? What's wrong?" I touched his shoulder and he patted my hand, "It's ok Ethan. But I have to go again. I'm going to be away for a few weeks. It makes me feel better that you'll have someone to talk to aside from your old man here since I will be away." He sighed and slurped some of the milk from his bowl. I shook my head, "Am I allowed to know where you're going?" He tipped the bowl all the way back to get the last of the milk in his bowl, after he set it down, he looked at me. "I'm sorry son. You know, I haven't told you that I love you for awhile. I guess I don't feel like it needs to be spoken. But I do. And I'm proud of you. Chief Swan knows I'll be out of town. And he said to give you his number if you need anything."

I nodded and went back to my food. Well, I guess this will be interesting. How could he leave me already? We just moved here! I was getting hot. White hot burned through me. "Son are you ok? Look, I don't want to leave you, you know that. I love you. Sometimes…" I stood up, paced a few times, and calmed down. I sighed, "I know dad. I'm sorry." I put my hand on his shoulder, and he pulled me into a hug. "I hope you aren't coming down with something son. You might want to take a trip to get a check up, just in case," he put his hand on my forehead, feeling for a fever, "You're really warm." I nodded. "I'll be ok dad."

After awhile of back and forth with him, I agreed that I would go in that afternoon. I texted Nessie, _I'm going in to get a check up. Dad thinks I have a fever. If I am not sick, wanna hang out with some of the group I missed last night?_

I dusted around the house, and picked up the clothes in my room that I had left on the floor and started the laundry.

 _Sure Ethan. Though we may not be free tonight. I'll see if some of the guys wanna show you around town or the reservation._

I sent her a thanks and told her to let me know before I showered and got dressed. I decided to head out so I could get the check up out of the way and headed to the hospital. It wasn't very busy, mostly people with allergies thinking they had the flu.

A nurse stopped me, "Can we help you?" I told her and she gave me a number and told me to sit. Ok, whatever. So I sat and waited. And waited. Eventually I saw Carlisle and waved at him, he smiled when he noticed and came over to me. I stood and shook his hand, it felt like ice to me, I must be catching something, "I wasn't aware you worked here. It's nice to see you." He smiled at me, "What brings you in?" I chuckled, "No how do you do? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. My dad thinks I am sick." He led me to a room, "Were I not at work, there would be more how do you do's, but I do not like seeing a young man sitting with a ticket in his hand, when he appears to be healthy. I'm going to take your temperature. You do feel quite warm."

I noticed again how icy he felt in comparison to me, even more so than before. "Man, if you feel that cold to me, I must be sick." I started to smell something odd, but I could not place it. It wasn't particularly bad, but it was by no means pleasant. I shrugged it off and the room smelled woodsy now, I could feel the damp earth between my toes, the breeze on my face. When I opened my eyes, the smell faded and it went back to the odd scent, but it no longer smelled bad. It was just a smell, with a hint of woods. He looked at me strangely, "You're running hot. I think you'll be alright, but you might want to take it easy, relax. Go home. Go for a run if you get restless. You're welcome to come over."

I nodded at him. He looked worried. My brow furrowed, "Ok. I will." He had apparently done what he needed to do while I was zoned out. He held out his cell phone, "Put your number in so I can check up on you tonight." I did as he asked, "You always take numbers down?" He chuckled, "No, but Chief Swan mentioned your father would be out of town. If you are sick, and home alone, if you have an emergency I want you to get the help you need." He sent me a text with his name and I added into my phone on my way out of the hospital.

Nessie sent me a text, _We aren't free tonight. But if you're feeling alright A couple of the guys are available._

The house was locked when I arrived home. I sighed and responded, _Yeah. I'll drive out and meet them wherever if they want._

She sent me a smiley face, telling me they would pick me up. I asked her for names, she told me Seth would probably be picking me up. Ok. I decided to clean the windows since clearly no one was cleaning the house before we moved in. Eventually I made it to my father's room. His things were still mostly packed. I sighed, cleaning the windows and then picking up the papers and clothes that he left on the floor before he left. I opened the closet to put them in. Something caught my eye on the top shelf as I tucked the papers into his filing cabinet. I dropped the clothes and pulled down an old wooden box. It was heavy. What is it?

There was a lock on it. Do I break it? I replaced the box and started searching in the drawers of his dresser and night stands, but found nothing. I stooped to pick up the clothes and put them in the wash. As I was about to go back up stairs, a horn honked outside. I changed my shirt and locked the door on my way out.

When I turned around, there was a guy who looked kind of like me. He was my height, slender and had short hair, but his was darker, and his eyes were brown. But this guy had muscles! Kind of like Jacob and Sam, they all had arms that looked like they could lift cars. He gave me a toothy grin, "I'm Seth. Nice to meet you Ethan!" He gave me a firm hand shake, that turned into a half hug. I climbed into his truck and he started driving, "I think you're going to like the reservation. We have much more to do than simply shop and waste time." He told me about his family, his sister. "She's not as grumpy as she used to be. But you never know when one of her mood swings is coming!"

We laughed and I told him a little about my interest in math and science. He seemed perplexed about some of the problems I was explaining, and then I remembered, that I probably had taken higher level classes than him. "Sorry. I take mostly accelerated classes or else I get into trouble with the teachers." He nodded, "I gotcha. I'm not so fond of those topics. I don't really like school in general. I do like English. Weird right?" He grinned again and we laughed.

When we arrived at the reservation, we pulled up in front of his house, it was small, but it felt like home. He got out and gave some sort of bark, and as I exited the truck, a girl came down the steps. She put her arm around Seth's shoulders and ruffled his hair. It was funny to watch since she was a couple inches shorter than him. She turned to me, "You must be Ethan. There's food in the fridge, but don't let Seth get his helping first, or there won't be any for you." With that, she walked off. Seth rolled his eyes, "That's Leah. Come on in and let's get some food before Paul gets here." I followed him and we ate some chicken that was in the fridge.

A loud thump sounded as the front door swung open and another guy around my height, but with broader shoulders came in, "Eating without me! I can smell the food Seth!" A second, taller body followed him in, grinning. They went straight to the kitchen and came and plopped down on the couch next to me. I could feel my face heating up, and I was not surprised, neither of the boys next to me had shirts on. I looked across at Seth who just laughed at the face I was making as I tried to avoid looking at the muscled chests next to me. "Dude, are you guys all taking steroids here or what?"

All three laughed at my statement. The room was starting to get too hot and I could feel my face starting to sweat. I stood up quickly, "Seriously. There must be something in the water here." And then I looked and saw they all had the same tattoo that Jacob had. I rolled my eyes, I hope I'm not getting involved with some weird gang. That would probably not go over well with my dad.

"Hey man, Ethan? Where are you from?" The taller one asked me, pulling me from my thoughts. "Hm? Well depends. I've lived all over the place. I don't know if I would really call anywhere home. We just moved here from the area around Tacoma. I think my favorite was when we lived in Colorado. We lived in this little cabin looking house in the mountains. It was away from people. The only noise was nature. I loved it." I sat back down, this time in my own chair next to Seth. I looked at the taller one he was not as broad in the shoulders as the one I assumed to be Paul, but he was not as slender as Seth. I felt small in comparison to the three. I looked away from them.

Seth poked my shoulder and motioned to the taller one, "That's Embry," and he motioned to the shorter one that was still eating, "And that is Paul. When he's done stuffing his face, we will head down to the beach." Seth ducked as Paul threw one of the chicken legs at him. I shook my head. What the heck?

They all stood up, shoving at each other. Seth held out his hand as he passed me, I took it and he helped me up. I followed them and once outside, they started running. Not one to be left out, I ran too. Trying to keep up with them was tough. I had always been part of a track team, but man! They were fast. There was definitely something in the water here.

Embry slowed down and jogged lightly along side of me, my chest heaving. "Hey man take it easy. We forget sometimes…" I looked over at him. Big mistake. I tripped on something and went flying forward. He tackled me as I went, and broke my fall with his body. I ended up laying on top of him, staring down into his chocolate eyes. Why did it seem like everything was just now falling into focus? I couldn't move. He rolled me off of him gently, and took my hand as he stood, pulling me with him. I looked away, down at one of my knees that managed to scrape the ground, "Thanks. I would've been fine. I can take a hit." I willed the red in my cheeks to go away as I put on a smile and looked up at him. He smiled at me, "No worries Ethan." He patted my back and we took off in a slow jog this time.

When we reached the beach, Paul and Seth were wrestling. I laughed as Seth pushed Paul back, and Paul fell to the ground, only to kick Seth's legs out from under him. I smiled, "I fight the winner!" Embry laughed and ran over to watch. I walked closer and eventually Paul beat Seth. I drew a circle in the sand and stood in the middle. "Come on Paul. My turn." I knew he would win, but it didn't hurt to stretch my muscles. If you don't challenge yourself, you will always be the lesser. He walked in with an overconfident smile on his face. I rooted my feet in the sand, "Come on."


	3. The Beach

**I'm trying to update every week or so. Leave me a review! All mistakes are my own.**

Paul charged at me and I jumped over him, letting him almost fall out of the circle I created. He came at me again but he aimed too high this time, and I tripped him when I went down to duck. We jumped to our feet and he caught me this time, but I managed to get behind him and on his back but after a bit he flipped me in front of him and I landed hard on the ground. I knocked him down and we grappled each other, rolling each other over, neither wanting to be the one underneath the other. I managed to scramble out of his grasp and a soft growl came from me as I jumped on him, but he threw me out of the circle and I landed against a sharp rock. I focused on the smell of the water, breathing in deep as he jumped on me again. I saw, more than felt, the blow he dealt me. I didn't move; I realized that somehow he had forgotten we were only playing. I heard a growl; I heard shouting. And when I refocused on my body, and not the water, I saw Embry in front of me and his mouth was moving, but I wasn't hearing him.

I shook my head a little, "What did you say?" He sighed, "You're bleeding. We need to look at it, but I didn't want to move you. You looked like you were in shock." I smiled at him and felt the bump and cut on the back of my head. My hand was a little bloody when I looked at it, "I've had worse." He looked concerned at that statement, but I just shook my head and started to stand up. His hands on my shoulders kept me in place, "Don't get up yet." He moved away and Paul came over to where I was, "Sorry man. I forgot myself. You gonna be ok?" I smiled at him, "No worries." I held out my hand, and he took it, pulling me up off the ground. Embry scowled at him, "Seriously. What if he has a concussion or something?"

I looked around for Seth while they argued. There was no one around but Embry and Paul. "Guys, it's ok. Really. Come on." I walked over to them and put an arm around each of their shoulders. They were shaking, "Guys." Paul shook off my arm, but seemed to settle down. Embry stopped shaking, and after a little while he stopped glaring at Paul. I removed my arm and walked toward the waves. "Swim anyone?" Paul came over to me and lightly touched the back of my head, "Let's go." He ran into the surf and I took off my shirt and shoes, heading toward the waves. Embry met me at the edge of where the water could reach and touched my head too with a concerned look on his face, "At least you stopped bleeding." I laughed, "I'm fine! Really. Em, just come swim." I ran away from him, and once I was deep enough, I swam away from him. Away from Paul, far out into the waves. They couldn't keep up with me. I grinned from ear to ear.

Now that I was thinking about it, it was strange that I didn't feel the pain I should be coming from my head. I touched my head where the bump was, and found it was gone. Whatever. I'll ask Carlisle later. Maybe I'm imagining things. I dove down as the two swam toward me. I came up again behind Paul and pushed him down before swimming back toward the shore, laughing all the way.

When I reached the shore, Sam and Seth were both there. I tried to get the water out of my hair as I walked to where they stood. "What's up?" Seth looked really confused, "Are you ok Ethan?" I smiled, "I look ok don't I?" A few minutes later, Embry and Paul came up behind me, flanking me. Sam raised an eyebrow at Paul who was grinning like a madman. I snatched my shirt up and pulled it on. I noticed for the first time that Sam, who he was also shirtless, had the same tribal tattoo as the other guys. What was up with these guys? Aren't they cold? I only just realized how cold it was out. Why hadn't I noticed earlier?

We walked back to Seth's house together, taking a path through some of the trees this time. Embry nudged me, "So what do you do for fun?" I slowed my footsteps as I pondered that question, "Well I don't know. I don't go out much anymore. This is the most I have been out in…seven months?" I shrugged and they guys all looked at me like I had grown a second head. I put my hands up in defense, "Hey, it's not that I don't like people. Though maybe I don't, who knows. Anyway, I stopped getting to know people after awhile. There isn't a reason if I'm just going to move again." Sam nodded at me.

"I like to run though. The feel of the ground under my feet, and the smell of the air as I go are wonderful. I like to do math problems and experiment sometimes. But usually I'm busy around the house since my dad is gone so often," I shrugged.

"Well we hope you will be staying around for a while," Sam said as we walked up the steps to Seth's house. Leah and Emily were inside and as we all started to sit, my phone began to ring. I stepped outside and answered, "Hello Ethan. It's Carlisle. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright still." I nodded and then realized he couldn't see me, "Yes sir. I am doing just fine. I don't think I am sick, though I am known to have been wrong in the past." I told him about the bump on my head but I didn't make a big deal out of it. He didn't seem too concerned with it after I explained that I didn't even feel it.

He told me to drink lots of fluids and eat good food before hanging up with me. I went back inside and looked at the group sitting together, smiling. It brought an ache to my chest. These people grew up together. They know each other, their likes and dislikes, their quirks. Seth waved me over, "Come sit Ethan." I sighed, "Actually I was wondering if you'd take me home? It's getting a little late." And indeed it was, the sun was just starting to set as I spoke. Embry stood, "I'll take you. Seth is hosting. Can't leave guests like these unattended in your home. You never know what might happen." He winked at Seth and pulled some keys from his pocket. I waved at everyone, "Thanks for having me. I will see you later." I got a collective good bye as I headed out to Embry's motorbike.

"You know, I think you should have Dr. Cullen check out your head just in case, Ethan," Embry said to me as he handed me a helmet. I put it on, telling him I would go see him when I could. He got on the bike, putting on his own helmet and I got on behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist as he started the bike. I leaned my chest against his back, getting as comfortable as I could on his death machine. I could feel the outline of his muscles on his torso as we took off. I held tight, not wanting to let go because I was scared, and because he just felt so good. He was warm and the shirt he had put on was soft to the touch.

I gave him directions to my house, and when we arrived, he got off the bike with me, flipping up the visor section so I could see his eyes. "If you need us just call." He handed me a piece of paper with his, Seth's and Paul's phone numbers on it. I smiled at him, "Thanks. It's nice to get to know people for a change." He took my hand in a shake, then pulled me in for a long hug. When it ended I went to my front door and unlocked it, "Thanks Embry." He smiled back and started his bike once I had the door unlocked and opened. However, he did not pull away until I had one foot through the doorway.

I shut the door behind me and went to cleaning the shelves in the kitchen that we hadn't used yet because of dust or grime. Why was I always stuck doing the house work? Because dad couldn't bother to help me. I mean, I get it. I love him. He's my dad. But doesn't he know I miss mom too?

I was angry. Why was I so angry? I've never been this angry about this before, at least not like this. I had to run. I threw on my jogging pants and my runners and walked out, locking the door behind me. I started running. There were images in my head of classmates I had had with their families. Some laughing at me on parent's day when I was eating alone, while they ate with their mom or dad or both. Once, when we lived in Illinois, I sat with a girl on parent's day. She was crying. "What's wrong?" She sniffed, "My mom is too busy. And I never met my dad. Every year I watch everyone. And sometimes they laugh, and other times they feel sorry for me. And every year I sit here alone." I did feel bad for her because her situation was similar to mine, but she saw the same faces every day, but no one seemed to care. I shared my lunch with her. And we talked about our parents, something I rarely did back then, and apparently neither did she.

I saw the fights I got in because I did all of the house hold chores, they told me that was for women. I was a girl because I washed the clothes or the dishes. I was a girl because I cooked, and I cleaned. Even though there was no one else to do it for me. And even so, I would correct them on the use of their stereotypes, targeting the boy whose father was a stay at home dad because his mom was a surgeon. I got the shit kicked out of me that day.

What was wrong with growing up? I've always done these things. If I didn't, no one would have. We would have been living in a filthy house. It wasn't my dad's fault. He just couldn't. it reminded him of mom too much. It hurt too much. Sometimes the looks he gives me…I have her eyes. I am his 16 year old son, that reminds him of the woman he loved every time he looks in my eyes. Maybe that's why he avoids eye contact?

I hate when I get like this. Sure, he should move on. I miss her too. I was only seven when she passed. But, I understand him, his feelings. I don't know why I get so mad at him. Maybe I feel like he abandoned me when we needed each other. I always was the one reaching out to him, making sure he was alright. I sighed.

By the time I focused on my surroundings, I realized I had no idea where I was. I had run straight into the forest. I decided it would be best to keep going forward, because who knew how many different turns I might have taken to get where I was.


	4. What is that?

**Leave me a review! Hope you like the story so far. All mistakes are my own.**

I stopped walking for a moment and listened. I could feel the light breeze across my face, and hear the scampering of chipmunks and squirrels. I knelt and felt the soft ground, the moist earth falling between my fingers as I lifted a handful. I was in a clearing, maybe the one from the party I had been to. Which way was Renesmee's? I shook my head as I stood. I decided to keep walking straight, hoping I could find my way. I checked my cell phone, only half battery life left, and no service. Perfect.

It was dark around me. I could hardly see, and I didn't know how long I had been walking. I heard a howl in the distance to one side of me, and then heard more coming from everywhere, and some were very close. I picked up my pace, checking my surroundings as I went. I could barely feel the ground under my feet as I ran. I heard twigs snapping, and animals became quieter. And all of a sudden I hit something hard as stone, and fell to the side, rolling down a hill I hadn't noticed.

I heard feet shuffling through some fallen leaves coming toward me, and I sat up quickly, ready for a fight. I swung my arm at the oncoming person but they dodged. "Woah! Calm down Ethan." It was one of Nessie's uncles. I sat back in the dirt and felt my arm, "Ow. Hey…" He knelt and looked at the scratches I acquired, "No worries. Carlisle is home. You aren't far from us. What were you doing out here?" He offered me a hand, and I took it, but immediately let go once I was standing. He was freezing! And he smelled weird. Not bad but…I wrinkled my nose.

He raised an eyebrow at me laughing, "Something wrong with you man? Ethan right?" I stared at him for a moment, "No. Ah. Sorry. I just…I went for a run." He started guiding the way to the house, "A run. In the forest? At night? That doesn't seem very smart." He grinned and laughed at me almost the whole time. It was only about fifteen minutes. I smacked him lightly on his shoulder, "If I want to run in the woods at night, I will. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Uncle…" I furrowed my brow, what was his name?

He laughed, "You can call me Emmett." We were standing in front of the house, and once again I was hit with the beauty and size of it. Emmett pushed me lightly, and I started walking up the steps, into the house. I was greeted by Edward, "Uh hello Mr. Cullen." He smiled, "Really. If you go around calling everyone Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, you will have every one of us answering your questions. Just call us by our first names please. Carlisle was hoping you would drop by. He's in the next room." I nodded, my face reddening. So many people. I walked into the room Carlisle was in, it looked like a doctor's office almost, but more inviting.

"Hello Ethan. Sit up on the table there," he said and pointed to where I should go. I did as he said and waited. Looking down to my arms, I noticed the scratches I had from my fall in the woods were gone. And there was just dirt and maybe a little blood left in their places. My head was reeling, what the hell.

Carlisle had a sponge and warm soapy water and was cleaning my arms off, "Have fun in the forest?" He chuckled at my scowl, "Tell me about the bump you received earlier." I told him about the scuffle with Paul, and how it seemed to disappear. "Is healing quick due to my hormones?" He shook his head, "It could be, but unlikely. I would like you to check in with me anytime you receive an injury, ok? I just want to make sure there aren't any negative things happening." I nodded and he moved to check my head, feeling where I had been hit and muttering to himself, which at first I could not understand. After I focused on him a little longer, I could hear what he was saying. "Accelerated healing. I wonder if he's like Sam and Jacob. Should run some tests to check for anomalies. What about a cancer tha…" I shuddered and he stopped speaking. "Ethan?"

"What type of cancer? Could I have such a thing? If so, then would it be harmful in other ways? Keeping my outer layer safe but causing internal duress?" I continued until he put his hands on my shoulders, "Ethan. I do not believe you have a cancer. But your healing reminds me of it. I was hardly even speaking, how did you hear me?" I gaped, he had been speculating out loud about if I had caner and now he was trying to figure out how I heard him? "Maybe you were talking louder than you thought."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "And what do you mean, if I was like Sam and Jacob? You aren't going to put me on some form of steroid are you?" He shook his head with a cautious smile, "It's ok Ethan. No I am not going to put you on any steroids." This was frustrating. Really. Why couldn't he just tell me what he was thinking? I stood, "I'll call you if I get hurt. But until you can tell me what kinds of tests you want to try, I don't want them." He nodded, and I shook his hand before walking out of the room.

Esme waved at me with a smile as I walked by, and the blonde…Rose? rolled her eyes. I was almost out the door when Ness tackled me. Had I not realized it was her, I would have thrown her off of me. "Woah. Hey Ness. What's up?" She smiled at me, "We're going camping in a week or so, want to come?" It would be nice, but right now I had to get my head straight. "I'll think about it. I have to go home though, it's late." She nodded at me and put her hand to my face. I could see how I looked, angry and upset. My eyes hard.

I looked down at her confused and shook my head, "See you at school." I walked out and broke into a jog heading down the drive, down the side of the road. What is up with this!

I wasn't really able to keep a hold on my thoughts as they whirred through my head, but I was mad. I held on to that feeling until it consumed me, and I was running. I was too hot, even in the chilly night, I felt like I was burning alive. I veered into the tree line a short distance from the road, hoping the smell could distract me, but even that didn't help. I grumbled, and suddenly my body hurt everywhere as a fire spread through my muscles.

But I never stopped running, and almost as soon as it started, the burning was gone. I was still running. And I wasn't angry anymore. I was simply running. The ground felt good between my toes, under my feet. The air smelled fresh, and I was getting closer to the water. The smell of it lingered in the air. And soon I was at a cliff.

Wow that was quick. I sat on the edge. And something flicked in front of my face. I looked around to see a long slender tail and immediately went on high alert, watching it lead to a fuzzy backside. But it was my own. What.

I looked down at my feet to find I had four paws. Paws! With claws, now digging into the ground. Suddenly I was afraid. And I heard twigs snapping around me, and I let out a small growl before climbing a tree with ease, waiting for whatever was coming.

I saw three heads come into view and one very large, black wolf! I kept my position, waiting. Embry's voice drifted toward me in the trees, "What is that? It's…some how familiar." I saw Jacob's face as he looked at the sky and then knelt outlining a print on the ground, "This looks the size of one of ours. But it is not quite the right shape." The wolf growled and Edward spoke, "Sam, I know who." He nudged Jacob and Embry, and they looked right where I was in the tree. I growled, hoping they would leave me alone. I didn't need anyone to know about whatever was going on.

They didn't flinch or move. But Jacob suddenly started shaking and his body contorted until he was a large reddish brown wolf. I whimpered, what was going on! This is all some strange dream. None of this is real. I'm having some fucked up dream. That's all. I'll just close my eyes and when I wake up, I won't even remember most of this. I was building myself a mental shield against all of this.

Embry's appearance next to me in the tree broke my concentration though, and I fell out of the tree, landing on my feet. He jumped down next to me and I backed away, lowering myself to the ground in worry. He had his hands up where I could see them, "It's ok. Calm down. We know."

Edward put a hand up to stop the wolves, who had started to move closer to me, "It's ok Ethan. We want to help." Embry knelt in front of me with his arms outstretched, "Come here. We'll get this all figured out." Looking at the way his eyes gleamed in the moonlight, pleading with me, I couldn't run. I moved closer until my face was leaning on his shoulder and he put his arms around my neck. I calmed down slowly and soon I felt a shift in my body, and now I was human again, naked in Embry's arms.

I gasped and blushed, but no one seemed to be looking at me while he put a blanket around me that Edward had handed him. I hid myself inside of it, my eyes looking to the ground I was kneeling on.

I started repeating to myself that this was just a dream. Nothing more, and started to rebuild my mental shield. I heard Edward's chuckle break through the shield I was slowly building myself, "He thinks he's dreaming." I felt, more than heard the rumbles coming from the wolves in front of me. The black wolf started to shudder and soon, a naked Sam was standing in front of me, taking a pair of jeans from something he had attached to his leg. I looked away as he changed. "Still think you're dreaming Ethan?" I looked up to Edward.

"I suppose not. But this just isn't possible. Right? This is all legend and story stuff. Either way, I do not remember were-cats in any of those folklores and such," I huffed. As I crossed my arms across my chest, a pair of sweat pants were hurled at my face. My face reddened all over again. Embry moved to stand in front of me, "I think we should let him get dressed." I couldn't look at anyone while they moved away. None of them spoke. I stood and pulled on the clothes that had been thrown at me. I called out, "I'm decent now. Come on." The foot steps were so light, I almost didn't hear them, but then Embry was by me. He rested a hand on my shoulder, "You alright E?" I gave him a smile that didn't reach my eyes, "As alright as I can be for the moment."

"What is going on?" All eyes looked to me, "Well. You must have a similar heritage to us." As we walked through the forest to the reservation, Jacob and Sam explained the legend of the Quileute tribe. I shook my head when they were done. "But wasn't I some sort of cat?" Embry patted my shoulder, "You looked like a mountain lion. A huge one." Sam nodded, "We don't know why that is yet. But we'll look into it." I frowned. "My mom was from La Push. But my dad is not from a reservation or from any…actually I have no idea where he's from originally. He doesn't talk about it."

Edward brushed my shoulder as he went by me and suddenly I remembered the part of the legend they just told me. "Cold ones?" Edward stopped in his tracks, "That's me. We believe it is the continued residence of my family that has been causing so many to change." Everyone continued moving forward. A cold one…is…a vampire? Edward gave me a pointed look, "Yes." No way. Why is he answering my questions I didn't say out loud.

"I can read minds Ethan. Yes," I shook my head. His family. They are all vampires. But Renesmee…"No Renesmee is a hybrid. She was born before Bella was turned." Jacob smiled, "She's one of a kind." Edward smiled too, thinking about his daughter I assumed. We arrived as the reservation and Sam went one direction, while Edward and Jacob went another. I was about to follow when Embry grabbed my arm and turned me to look at him.

His eyes were full of worry, "Are you really ok?" I shrugged, "It's a lot to take in you know? Do you…Do you change too?" He nodded, "I'm a big bad wolf." I laughed and he smiled, "It's not so bad after awhile." He put his arm around my shoulder and we started walking, "How old are you Ethan?"

"I'm sixteen. My birthday is in December. You?" He gave my shoulder a squeeze, "Mine's in August. I'm about…twenty-two? I don't really keep track." I stared at him, he was smiling, just looking ahead. When he glanced at me, I looked away, face red. I can't make any normal friend's my age. Except maybe Renesmee. But…maybe not even then.

What do I even know anymore?


	5. Nomalness? Nah

**I'm hoping to keep this, one chapter a week going. Leave me a review! Thanks to the people following and favorite-ing! :)**

No one I know is normal. All of the Cullen's are vampires, many of the people on the reservation are shape shifters, and my dad works for some unknown government agency. And I am all alone in my house. I missed a couple days of school. But now I am back, sitting through classes that I used to care about. Even my math and science. How do they explain me? Impossible. And even to the reservation I'm an anomaly.

Only Billy, and a few select council members remember my mother because the people that would otherwise know her, have passed. Sage Lahote. Turns out, I'm Paul's cousin, his dad never mentioned my mom, his sister, after she left home. No one really knew her apparently because she kept to herself and didn't spend much time on the res. Billy was her friend though. They spent days together swimming and talking. "She appeared so remote, only spoke when spoken to. She was quiet. Except when we were out. She was a miniature adult and we were only kids. But when we were out, she was loud and exuberant. She was a good friend. I was sad when she left," Billy had said.

Ness pulled me from my thoughts by punching my arm, "Seriously, you ok? You've been out of it all day. What's wrong?" I shook my head and looked down at my lunch, putting my sandwich back in the bag and eating some of my carrots, "I just can't wrap my head around it." She looked quizzical, like she had no idea what I was talking. "Come on Ness, you know. Don't pretend. Jacob or Edward had to have told you why I've been absent. I just haven't been able to talk about it." Her face became very stern, "You are going to tell me today." I could practically feel her eyes boring into my soul. I stared at her, her eyes darkened as she glared. "Ok, ok. I'll tell you. But how about after our classes today." Her face softened a notch, and she nodded at me.

Sure enough, she met me at my jeep after school. "I'm riding with you. I'll drive if you'd prefer."

"No, I'll drive. Get in." We buckled up and I sighed as I pulled away, "First, where would you like to go?"

"The reservation. I'm meeting Jacob. And I'm going to have a talk with him." She looked furious. It was just one secret that he kept from her, I didn't understand the issue. I shrugged. "So. I told you my mom died in a hunting accident right? I was around seven or so. She went out by herself, like she normally did. It was just a regular day, she dropped me at school, my dad was packing for a work trip. But she didn't pick me up. I walked home. My dad wasn't surprised, but he didn't really know the routine. A police officer came to our house that night, just before six when we normally would've been sitting down to dinner. He told us she'd been found. My father was surprised. He hadn't really even known she was missing."

I took a new breath, "I didn't get to see her. But I heard how she was found. She was naked in the woods. Why was she naked if it was a hunting accident? Maybe she was…" I paused for a moment, thinking, "She must have. She was found dead and her clothes were folded neatly nearby." Ness looked confused so I continued. "I think she was a shape shifter like me." I let the information set in with both of us. Of course I hadn't thought of it before, I didn't know about them, us…me. But it made sense now. "I turn into a big cat. Apparently."

She cocked her head to one side and stared at me, "Are you ok Ethan? I'm sorry." I shrugged, "I feel fine mostly. Though sometimes I am really hot. And can't seem to cool down. Otherwise no worries." I gave her a small smile. She sighed, "I'm sorry I was mad. Jacob doesn't keep things from me. He can't. But Dad…He does it all the time. And it frustrates me to no end! I mean Jacob keeps things like surprise parties and things to himself, but he never lied to me about anything that mattered you know? And if they both knew something, and Dad didn't want me to know, I'm sure he'd try to get Jake to keep it secret. What all did they tell you?"

"Well, your whole family. You guys are all vampires right?" She nodded, "Mostly. My family, we only feed on animals. We fit in better because of it too, most vampires have red eyes. But animal blood makes our eyes an amber color. I'm…different though. I was born. Not turned. Mom and Dad were together when mom was human. They had fun on their honeymoon, and here I am. Little ol' supposedly impossible me. You know, most of my family hated me. Originally. Before they knew me. Aunt Rose was about the only one to want mom to keep me. I understand though. I was killing her while she was pregnant. But then dad heard my thoughts. And his opinion changed. Jacob hated me." She laughed, "I have something to show you when we stop. But let me tell you. When I was born, I did kill mom. And Jake used to have a thing for her, so he hated me, hated that I killed her. But here we are now. Jake is mine. He's always been what I needed. My protector, my friend, my boyfriend. He was going to kill me because I had killed mom. I have a ridiculously good memory by the way. And I've heard the stories from enough people to put the story of how I came to be pretty much together."

I parked the car at Seth's house and unbuckled. "Ness we have some weird lives." She put her hand to my cheek, "I know." And suddenly I could see it all. How thin and broken Bella looked on an operating table, blood, Rose, Jacob's face over her shoulder go from angry to soft and adoring. I saw him being so careful and gentle with her. I saw her small hand touch Edward's face and her pulling memories from him, looking at how he originally felt to how he ended up, intense guilt and anger and disgust to loving and caring. Her hand pulled away from my face. What was that? I must have asked out loud because Ness chuckled, "I know this is a lot to take in. But. Dad told you he could hear your thoughts? Well, I can project my memories or thoughts into your mind by touch. I can also search through memories for the most part, and read thoughts. But I'm discovering other gifts…"

I shook my head, like that would help to clear the overload of information. "Man. I don't know if I want to know right now." She laughed, and I jumped at thump on my door. Embry and Paul were at my door, grinning. I heard Ness giggle as Jacob pulled her into his arms from the car and I got out, giving Paul and Embry brief hugs. "Hey guys, what are you doing here?"

Paul punched my shoulder, "We could smell you. Now that you've changed, your smell is very particular cousin. I still don't get why you're a cat…But hey. Who cares." We wrestled a moment, knocking each other to the ground. A hand appeared in front of my face and I smiled up at Embry, his expression caught me off guard, he looked like he was glowing in the little bit of sun that was peeking from behind the clouds, his teeth were practically perfect, and his eyes were so interesting. They almost seemed to change color, becoming lighter as he looked at me, and he was all I wanted to know, it was like the world disappeared when I looked at him. My smile faltered as I stared in awe. He crouched in front of me and suddenly, I couldn't breathe. He whispered, "Are you going to get up any time soon? I mean, if you want to sit and stare at the sky, at least let me get us a blanket or something." I blushed, what the heck was going on here? I looked around quickly to make sure no one had heard him. Luckily, Paul was standing with Jake and Ness over by Seth's front door. Seth and Leah were just coming out to talk to them.

I released the breath I had been holding in a rush, "I'll get up. I'll get up. Though a picnic sounds nice." He looked like I was had punched him in the stomach and suddenly I felt bad, maybe he doesn't really want to be my friend, maybe he's just being nice, he doesn't want to hang out. He stood up, his grin even bigger if that was possible, and this time, I took his hand when he extended it to me. He pulled me up rather quick, and held my hand just a hair longer than normal. I turned away quickly as my face heated up.

After we chatted for a bit with the people around us, Embry told me he wanted to go over some things with me about phasing. Jacob was busy with some of the newer, more rowdy wolves in the pack. We wandered off to the nearby tree line, and he started stripping. Oh right. Clothes. They rip otherwise. I turned away from him and began much the same, folding my clothes up nice and neat. I started the phase, it was painful, but only slightly. Soon, he and I were the same height about, my catlike form just a little shorter than his wolf. He was a beautiful shade of grey, and black spots dotted his fur in places. He nuzzled my cheek. How were we supposed to talk? I tried to say his name and a weird sound kind of like "Aie!" came out, like a cheetah calling for her cubs.

 _Ethan?_ I heard his voice in my head and my eyes widened. _I can hear you Em._

He let out a bark of laughter and gave me a wolfy grin, _No worries. So it seems your link to us works different._ I tilted my head, _What do you mean?_

 _Well, as wolves, we all have a link once we are in a pack. While wolves we can hear everything someone is thinking, or thinking about. Sometimes we even see pictures, like if they're remembering a memory. I couldn't hear or sense you until you said my name._

I tried to block him out, and I couldn't hear him. I licked my front paw and he whimpered at me and I said his name again, _Embry. I'm sorry. Was trying to see if I could prevent communication._ He didn't seem too happy, _Don't do that. You look different from last time._ I could see me in his head. I was all black, a panther. I furrowed my brow as I looked at him, a question in my eyes. I sat, and he sat next to me, our shoulders touching, _You're interesting Ethan. I wonder what else might happen when you phase_.

Soon, we were running through the forest. We were roughly the same in speed, though I could maneuver better than him, especially around corners and turns. I climbed a tree and hopped from one to another for a brief while, Embry growling from below me. _Puppy can't climb?_ I grinned, just out of reach above him. I could see what he had planned, and I jumped down as he jumped up, using another tree as leverage. He landed next to me on his side. I whimpered, nuzzling his neck. He growled, and his paw pulled me closer. I laid down, waiting for him to move. _You ok Embry?_

 _Yeah I'm good Ethan._ He started replaying a song in his head, I was so confused. I wiggled out from under his paw, and ran back to where our clothes were, phasing back. I heard him come up behind me as I finished phasing, I knelt on the ground, maneuvering quickly into my clothes, and I heard him chuckle as he finished phasing back. I waited until I heard the rustling of his clothes stop before I turned around. "Let's head back."

Most of the group had dispersed to their own homes, Renesmee and Jacob were sitting on the porch. Her arms were crossed and Jacob kept his hands on his knees, looking confused. When Ness saw me, she jumped up and grabbed my arm, "We need to leave. Trust me." We got in my Jeep and I drove us away, looking in the rearview to see a very confused Embry staring after us.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" She shook her head, "Something is coming. We're going to stay at your house tonight, and tomorrow you're either staying with my family or on the reservation. Maybe both. Who knows. Something big is happening but I can't explain." She put her hand to my face after we pulled in my drive. I could hear shouting, feeling dread and there was pain. Suddenly it was gone. Her hand was in her lap. We went in and I started packing a bag. "Ethan, can I stay in your room?" I nodded, "Sure. I don't mind." He started making up the bed for her, and handed her a pair of sweats and a t shirt, "In case you don't want to sleep in your clothes. I can throw them in the wash if you want for tomorrow." She grinned at me, "Please." She walked off to the restroom, and I made up the couch in my room for myself.

I took her clothes from her when she returned and some of my clothes to the laundry room. I sank to the floor, resting my head on my knees. To think, not long ago, I knew nothing of any of this. Why couldn't I be normal? What is all this crap? I couldn't wrap my head around it. And where was my dad! He always left at the worst times. Really. He missed so much important stuff in my life. Ugh.

I got up, dragging my self up the stairs to my room. Renesmee was sitting in my bed with the covers pulled up, tucked under her arms. She patted the bed next to her, "Come sit." I felt a wave of calm flow over me. I sat next to her, "So what all can you do friend?" She smiled, "One of the other gifts I have is manipulating emotions. I cannot override or extinguish your emotions, but influence you to feel something else. Though it can be rejected. My uncle Jazz can do it better." I nodded and she continued, "Sometimes I can see things…that may come to pass. You wanna know the real kicker?"

She was bouncing with giggles, "Technically I'm only…six or so years old? Try to figure that one." She laughed at the face I made, but her and Jacob. Gross. I mean…She looks older…She acts older. But, age is just a number…"Really?" She laughed some more, "But tell me. How many six year olds look like me? How many know how to speak two languages fluently? I'll be like this forever. Or at least, for a very long time. How many are going to high school?" I nodded, agreeing. I guess, really, it's not so strange in comparison. She just ages really fast. I turn into different big cats. I shrugged.


	6. Flashes

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I stayed with Renesmee and her family for about a week. Each night I went to bed, staring out the window, and I felt there were eyes watching me. Occasionally Ness and I would go and check on my house, make sure nothing was missing. She would help me clean, dust, clean out any spoiled food (there wasn't much since I took most of my supply to the Cullen's) and we would go to school together. Days passed like nothing had happened. I was calm, so I wasn't phasing, I ate more than normal, but that didn't bother anyone. Rosalie was the only one that had any type of issue with me staying.

She had been staying away with Emmett for a few days so they could be together, and when they came back she came into the room they had given me, it used to Edward's. She had followed the sound of my heart beat upstairs and when she saw me she was confused. "Why doesn't it stink? You normally smell ridiculously bad," she crossed her arms staring at me. I raised an eyebrow, "You don't always smell too great yourself. But sometimes when I'm imagining, you give off the smell of freshly planted flowers. It's quite nice."

Carlisle came up behind her, "I noticed this when I examined him in the hospital. You closed your eyes while I examined you and the room began to smell more like the woods. It was like I was standing outside, and if I closed my eyes I could see it. When you walked in you smelled similar to the wolves, but since then, your scent mostly has been the same woodsy smell."

I just kind of gaped at them, "So I can manipulate smells? How useful. I suppose it makes it far more pleasant for everyone though." Rose nodded, "Well. Without the smell, maaaybe I can get close enough to get to know you." She turned on her heel, her blonde hair bouncing after her.

Carlisle sat down beside me on the bed they had moved in for me, "That was one of the reasons I was confused about why you were running as hot as the wolves. I didn't know anything about you. So I wondered if it could be you had pets or what. The smell, you know. And the healing... I saw a case once, that someone had regenerative qualities, like you told me about your head. And this person was not supernatural that I am aware of, though I suppose it is possible…Anyway. They appeared to be human. And they had an advanced stage of cancer. It sped up the skin growth process, but it sealed in any infections that they received. In the end, it was a gun shot that killed her. The bullet sealed inside her and she developed lead poisoning from the coating on the bullet."

He sighed and took my pulse, "I just wanted to make sure that wasn't the case. It was after you heard my mutterings, that I realized with more certainty that you were probably a shape shifter. I had my suspicions, but I could not simply jump to that conclusion only." I shrugged, "Scared the crap out of me though. So what is it that I'm staying here to avoid?" He stood, "I'm afraid I cannot tell you that. Today the boys are coming." I stretched my arms and back, "What boys? The guys from the res?" He nodded. "Okay. I better get dressed then."

After he left, I grabbed a pair of jeans, a light sweater, boxers, and socks before heading to the shower. I leaned against the wall and let the warm water massage my back, closing my eyes.

 **I felt his hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently, and then becoming more forceful. I groaned, knowing I would have bruises there. "You like this don't you? Oh Ethan, don't you love me?" I ground my teeth together. His nails dug in deep, he was determined to make me suffer. "I know you like it. Tell me." Water pricked behind my eyes, "No." He slapped me.**

I was vaguely aware that I was falling. I shook my head a few times, trying to wake myself from the day dream. I felt my head hit the hard floor, and opened my eyes. The pain was sharp and insistent in my skull. The water rained on me from the shower head. "Uhnng." I tried to get up, but for the moment, I was too dizzy. I heard knocking on the door, "Ethan are you alright?" I tried to respond to the voice but only managed a grunt. I managed to push myself into a sitting position as Carlisle and Emmett walked in, "Hey man, you alright?" Carlisle immediately began inspecting my head, and Emmett shut off the water, throwing a towel over me.

"Hey guys. I'll be fine in a minute," I said as I looked down, the water swirling down the drain was tinted red, I guess I hit my head pretty hard. Emmett picked me up and took me to Carlisle's mini operation room and Carlisle cleaned me up, placing a temporary bandage on my head. "Seriously, I'll be fine." He looked at me, doubtful, "What happened?" I shrugged, "I must have slipped." There was no way I was opening up that can of worms for this family. Even if they simply accepted me. I couldn't go down that road right now. I focused on a field of flowers as I closed my eyes, soon I was there. The only thing that brought me out of it, was Carlisle touching my shoulder. "Well let me know if you have anymore falls. Because of your accelerated healing, your head should be fine in just a few more minutes." I nodded and moved to the shower/tub combination that was connected to this room.

I found that they had put my clothes in this room, and I finished my shower. My shirt was a dark purple, it brought out my bright green eyes. It was quite an interesting effect.

I could hear loud voices echo through the house as I walked out, fixing my short hair. When I entered the main room, I saw, well, everyone. Jacob and Ness were sitting together, next to Leah and Seth. Sam and Emily stood in each others arms behind Quil who was sitting net to Paul and Rachel on a couch. Collin and Brady were talking with Emmett about video games. Jared stood with his arms crossed, next to Jasper, while Kim and Alice talked. Edward and Carlisle stood to one side, wile Esme and Bella placed trays of food down. Rose and Embry were the only ones missing.

I sat down on one of the unoccupied couches. I decided I would test my ability to manipulate smells, and imagined the smell of the sea, the salty winds, the smell of the oncoming storm and rain. I could see it, in my mind, the darkening skies. I opened my eyes, and kept the smell with me. Some people were looking around, and others seemed to be smelling themselves. Rosalie came down the stairs, "Thanks Ethan. I couldn't stand the stench." I blushed, I didn't realize it would be so noticeable. "You did that?" I heard a whisper in my ear. Embry hopped over the backside of the couch, landing on the seat next to me, he draped an arm around my shoulders, "That's pretty cool. I can't smell the vamp smell. I mean I can still smell them, but it's only their natural underlying scent that we never really noticed before." He grinned.

I knew what he meant, Rose was sitting next to me, and now I knew why I always enhanced her scent to flowers. It was nice, made me feel like I was in a garden. And Embry, well he still smelled the same to me, a hint of spice to go along with his woodsy and earthy scent. Everyone seemed to relax better now, Jared and Jasper uncrossed their arms and actually spoke to each other. It was an odd family feeling that I got.

Most everyone was smiling or just chatting. Embry's arm tightened around my shoulders and my gaze jumped to him. His eyes captured mine and I was sinking into his chocolate depths when I saw the edges of his eyes crinkle. When I regained my control, I saw he was smiling at me, "Ya alright there?" I smiled back to him, "Oh yeah. No worries. I was just off in my world." He chuckled at me, "As I was saying, We are having a bonfire tonight. We are inviting everyone, but you have to go. You should hear the legends. It's part of your history." His hand shifted to my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. My breathing changed and I looked away from him as I stood up. Edward looked at me with concern. I feigned a stretch, "Sure I'll go." Edward was now standing behind where Rose and Embry were sitting.

 _Do I have to?_ He nodded at my thought. "I'll be back," I followed Edward up to my room. "Let's go for a bit," he walked onto the balcony and pulled me onto his shoulders before jumping to a tree. "I could have phased." He ignored me and kept jumping from tree to tree and eventually to the ground, he set e down and took off running. I chased him, not quite fast enough to keep up with his vampiric speed in my human form, but almost. Eventually he stopped, "We should be far enough away now. I realize you do not want to talk about it. But I think you should. It might be better for you."

I shook my head, "I've dealt with this long enough on my own. I can do so still." He narrowed his eyes at me, "You fell in the shower. I saw what you saw." I gritted my teeth, "I can't help what you saw. But I will be fine. Simple as that. I don't feel like discussing my life right now. Or seeing you feel bad for me. Things happen, and we move on. Done." I could feel myself shaking, I didn't mean to let anyone see that. I didn't want Embry to worry. Or anyone in the pack. I knew how to keep things to myself. I would simply have to figure out a way to hide my thoughts. It would probably be easy with the pack, I could come and go as I pleased with Embry when we were both phased.

I knew Edward could hear me and I didn't care. "I'm sorry if I'm being rude. I just can't talk about it." He nodded, "You aren't being rude. I hope you let someone in. But I'll leave you be." I calmed down and we started walking back to the house together. I focused on my even breathing, anything but the event that brought us here.

"What's going on?" He knew what I was talking about. Why was I staying with them, what was Ness's vision? He kept walking, "We aren't sure. Alice can't really see past you and the wolves. And Ness mostly gets feelings and flashes. The only thing we know for sure, is that you are involved."

He knows more than he's letting on. What the hell?


	7. Connecting

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The bonfire was interesting. The elders of the tribe looked pretty uncomfortable at first when the Cullen's arrived. As it was, only Renesmee was allowed on the reservation until recently. But after everyone settled around the fire, they all seemed to calm. The stories began, and I could see it happening in my head. A few people closed their eyes and gasped, apparently they could see what I was seeing.

They came to the time of explaining when the tribe first met the Cullen's, the vegetarian vampires. And by the time the stories were done, people had relaxed. They did not seem to mind each other, feeling more at ease. I could feel calm coming over me. But while I still was related to the tribe through my mother, I wondered how my power or whatever worked in this. How did I come to be?

People chatted and laughed, those of us that ate food, devoured the deliciousness that Emily and Kim had prepared for us. Embry sat next to me, his arm inadvertently brushing mine. I was strangely comfortable with how close he was. Usually I'm only comfortable for a little while, or I tolerate closeness, but I was continuously comfortable. I closed my eyes as I took a sip from my hot chocolate. His arm came across my shoulders and I realized I had leaned into his side. I was too tired to care at the time.

I'm pretty sure Embry had to carry me to the car because I only vaguely remember being moved and the next thing I knew, I was in the car with Carlisle. I trudged up to my room that night, and fell asleep almost instantly. I don't know why I was so tired.

The next week the Cullen family left to hunt, and I moved to the reservation. First I was staying with Seth and Leah, but their bickering was becoming…Ridiculous. So I stayed with Jacob and Ness, but their cooing and snuggling was overwhelming. As great as they were, it was just another reminder for me that I was alone. This family that seemed to be taking me in, accepting me…They were only a temporary solution to my loneliness. Soon they would be moving on without me. My dad would probably have to move again soon. And I couldn't choose for myself to stay or go until I turned eighteen.

It's becoming colder outside, the leaves are on the ground, and it's almost December. My birthday is coming soon.

Anyway, Embry found me sitting outside Jake's one day, staring at the way the wind moved the leaves. I didn't have to look up to know, I could sense him. And with how the wind was today, I could smell him. I'd recognize his scent anywhere.

He sat next to me and nudged my side with his arm, "Done with the show here?" He just knew. I nodded and he leaned back on his hands, one of his arms going behind me. "You can come stay with me if you want. I have an extra room. It's just me now anyway. It may not be as neat though." I leaned to one side and looked at him, "You sure? I feel like I'm just a burden being passed around. Hot potato." His smile slowly fell from his face, I saw something in his eyes, some unknown emotion, it almost looked sad. As he rested a hand on my shoulder lightly, he turned serious, "You aren't a burden. You don't have to stay with us, but we want to have you. We want you to be safe. I want you to enjoy your time with us." He brushed some of my hair out of my face and I chuckled, "Time for a haircut I guess."

"I like it this length," he said as took a piece of hair between his fingers. He stood, offering me a hand, "So what do you say, stay with me?" The way he looked down at me, the way the sun shone on him, the way he asked me, it all seemed so personal all of a sudden. I couldn't move for a moment. I was lost in the beauty of the moment. He reached down and took my hand, loose enough that I could slip from his grasp, but tight enough to know he didn't want me to.

I tightened my grip and he pulled me up, "I think staying with you might be more enjoyable overall. Not that Jacob and Renesmee aren't great." He nodded, "I completely understand. They just cuddle all day." We moved my things to his house that afternoon. The pack seemed happier with this choice, I was no longer anyone's burden but Embry's. But he didn't see me as one, or at least that's what he tried to convince me of.

He went out for patrol that night, and I went about the house. I prepared an easy meal and put it in the fridge for later. Then I went to clean the house. Really there wasn't anything wrong with it. It wasn't messy. Just some areas were dusty from lack of use. It was an easy fix. For some reason, my mind drifted back to the box I had found in my dad's room. What did he have to hide from me? Unless it has something to do with his job, but he never left any of those things where I could find them. I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to know what was in it. But I wouldn't be going back there for awhile.

I finished the cleaning I had been doing and headed to the shower. I let the water fog up the room as I stripped and stepped under the spray. I inspected my newly developed muscles, I was more toned than I had been a few months ago, but no where near the hulking masses of Jacob and the pack.

As I wandered through the house in my jeans, I noticed picture of Embry and a woman. I assumed it was his mother. He was much smaller, not so buff, with longer hair. But his eyes were the same, staring at me with a smile. I touched the frame, fixing it's slightly crooked angle, making it straight. My eyes wandered to the other photos on the walls. Some of him and the pack, him and his mom. Almost exclusively with him while he was scrawny or younger. One of him and his mom as I know him now, it looked strained. Neither of them looked as happy as they had before.

The amount of pictures detailing his life, reduced as he became bulkier, and began to look more like today. I heard the front door open and walked down the stairs."Hey Embry. Dinner is in the fridge, I just have to pop it in the oven." He smiled, "I'm going to take a shower. I'm a little dirty." I chuckled. He looked like he had rolled around in the mud. On his way past me, I saw he was tracking it on his way. At least now there would be something to clean.

I proceeded to put the food in the oven as I heard the water start. I shuffled around in the cupboard, looking for some type of desert to make. "Haha!" I found some items to make cookies from scratch. I was finishing the last bit of mixing with my hands when Embry came in the kitchen. "What's this?" He took part of the cookie dough and popped it in his mouth, "Hey!" I would have slapped his hand away, but that would've wasted the cookie dough. I started molding the dough into shapes and put them on a baking sheet.

"Man, don't you know that eating cookie dough is the best part of making cookies? It's like liking the bowl when you're making brownies and stuff." He smiled at me and held out his hand to me, one of his fingers had a small bite of cookie dough on it, "You know you want to." I rolled my eyes at him but sucked his finger into my mouth, taking the cookie dough.

I smiled as I let go of his finger, and enjoyed the taste. "You're right. That was good." He furrowed his brow, "Have you never done that? Seriously?" He proceeded to tell me about how I was breaking tradition. The only way baking was truly a great experience was if you tasted the batter. We laughed and the timer went off. Em took the meal from the oven and I reset the degrees and put in the cookies.

We sat down to eat together at the kitchen table, and we talked. It was one of the few times I remembered sitting down, eating and actually having a conversation with someone. And it was nice. We talked about the patrol, how boring it was, how my school was going. "You're going to be here for Thanksgiving right?" I nodded, "If you guys want me. Otherwise, I can go home. But I get to help cook. I can make my mom's Thanksgiving dinner by myself, and it's just not Thanksgiving if I don't do at least part of it." He chuckled, his smile was infectious, I couldn't help myself, "You are too cute." I felt my face heat up. I don't always think before I speak. The ding from the oven saved me and I quickly stood and took them out, placing them on cooling racks.

I heard Embry clearing the dishes and saw him start washing the dishes and I heard him mumble, "I'm not the cute one. Making dinner, cookies, fucking laughing at all my jokes." I turned back to the cookies, knowing my face was red. I sounded like the proper house wife! I swear I'm not. But the chores I do, I had to learn because there was no one else to do them. It's not my fault if I actually enjoy them. I use to want to go to culinary school and become a chef. Maybe I still do.

He called me cute! Get a grip Ethan, what's wrong with you? I shook my head and he ruffled my hair, "What's going on in that head of yours?" I had to hold in my laugh, if only he knew. I turned around and admired the soft edges to his face, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled with his smile, the curve of his neck, his well defined shoulders. "Nothing much," I walked into the living room with him following, "Is this your mom?" That emotion passed through his eyes, "Yeah. She was great."

"Was?" I touched his shoulder as he admired one of the photos, "She passed away a little over a year ago. She had breast cancer. No on knew, but when she went in for one of her check ups, they found it. It was stage four. It had spread to her lungs and the doctors predicted she only had short time left, but she proved them wrong." He smiled as he ran his hand around one of the edges of the frame, "She managed to live for about a year longer than their six month expectation." Standing behind him, I wrapped my arms around his torso, leaning my head on his shoulder to look at the picture of her. She was standing in front of a house, laughing with the wind blowing her hair around her face.

"She was beautiful. I'm glad you had each other," he turned in my grasp as I spoke. "Yeah, we fought after I phased because she didn't know about it. It was better that she didn't. But she accepted me, even when we fought. I love her." He arms came around me, one hand resting on my back, the other tangling itself in some of my hair at the base of my neck. "Thanks Ethan. For just letting me talk. Sometimes people ask, but they interrupt or whatever. It's nice to know that you're listening."

My chest grew tight as my heart swelled, he was such a sweet soul. He leaned back, his hands never moving and all I could do was examine his face, the curve of his nose, the tint to his lips, the depths of his chocolate eyes. My eyes watered at the sweet expression he wore. His hand moved from my hair to lightly cup the side of my face and he gave me such a smile, it literally took my breath away.

He leaned closer and I inhaled sharply, but he just pulled my head to rest on his shoulder. I exhaled, comforted by the feel of him against me. We stood there just holding each other, and I reveled in his scent. The timer in the kitchen went off and we broke apart, "Cookies?" I laughed, "Cookie time!" I had made my mom's recipe for homemade chocolate chip cookies. I was lucky that Embry had had everything I needed. I got to them before he did and picked one up, took a bite and held it out to him.

"For me? Oh you shouldn't have!" I laughed as he took bit into the cookie I held, taking the whole thing. "Hey! You were supposed to share, Em." He reached around me and grabbed a couple, holding one out for me, "Want it?" He snatched it away when I went to grab for it. "Ah ah, say please." I pouted at him, "Please? I did make them you know." He grinned and fed it to me, "You're right. My compliments to the chef. I shouldn't be mean or you may spit in my food, or worse, not cook at all for me!" He put his hand over his chest and feigned a swoon.

We packed away the rest of the cookies and sat on the couch in the living room, talking mostly about nothing, but it was pleasant. "You haven't really told me about your family Ethan. Do tell." I shrugged, and just as I was going to speak my phone buzzed in my pocket.

It was my dad. "Speak of the devil…How are you dad?" I heard his laugh on the other end, always a good sign. "Hey son. Just checking in on you. How are things?"

I paused, what do I tell him? "Things are fine. I'm keeping up with school and the house just fine. And I am actually hanging out with friends. Surprise!" He chuckled, "Good. I really am glad. My business is going to keep me away for a few months. I may not be home for a year. But check the mail and you should find checks so you can keep up the place and eat and everything." He paused, "I could call your grandmother."

My grandmother? Who? I never even knew I had any extended family. "Uh I guess that's up to you. I mostly stay on the reservation right now. I spend half the week at home and half the week there. Would she even want to meet me? I mean, I haven't met her."

"Actually, you did. But only twice, when you were a baby. I'm sorry. We…well we did not much get along. But, I can have her come and stay with you. Though she probably wouldn't be there for about a month." I thought about it for a moment, "Sure dad. What's her name?"

"Iona. She is an interesting woman. Oh, if she starts calling you pookey, run. That's never a good sign…I love you."

"I love you too dad," he hung up the phone. I missed him. Even if he wasn't always there when I need him, I still missed my dad. Did he know what I was? What I could do? Why did I agree for some woman I had never met to come stay with me? Ugh.


	8. Opening

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I never did talk to Embry about my family, instead I went to bed shortly after my phone call. And after that day…I sort of forgot. We went running in the mornings, it became a habit for us, running all over the reservation. Sometimes we would race, and I almost always won. Seth would join us every few days, depending on his patrol schedule. He always seemed to have a late patrol.

Embry started helping me when I phased. It was weird at first, just suddenly being a big cat. I turned into a lion one day and I swear…He just laughed and laughed. I didn't know why me turning into different cats was so funny. It's weird enough, and then he laughed at me! He wasn't laughing for long. I pounced on him, knocking him to the ground, and growled. I might have roared a little…Just a little.

But he looked actually afraid for a moment, and I relaxed my face. I got off of him and laid down next to him, resting my head on my paws, and purred. He rolled over and pet my head. He stood up, and turned away from me. I looked away as he started to undo his pants. Soon I heard him shift behind me and I raised myself to stand and turned to see his wolf, giving me a sort of smile, with his tongue hanging out to one side.

 _Hey Em. I can feel the cold more than normal._

 _Maybe that's because you are a lion and its almost Thanksgiving!_

He took off running and I chased. Together we sped through the forest. I was still faster than him. So far, I hadn't run into any vampires aside from the Cullens. But that doesn't mean we didn't keep on our toes, always aware when we trained.

Since they were back in town, sometimes Emmett or Jasper would spar with me. Edward would often oversee us since I would be in my form and they would otherwise not know what I was thinking.

I was doing homework when I suddenly realized that it had been over a week since I went home! I rushed down the stairs to talk to Embry. I stumbled on something on the stairs and went crashing into him as he was about to walk up the stairs. We landed on the floor, him underneath me. I was incredibly aware of his arms around me, our faces so close. His mouth moved but I couldn't understand the sound that came from him. I rolled off of him, "What?"

He sat up, "I asked if you were alright? You charged down the stairs like you were on fire." I chuckled and extended a hand to him as I stood, and pulled him up, "Sorry. I just realized I haven't been home for awhile and I need to clean." He shook his head with a smile, "Alright Ethan. Let's get you home then." We hoped in my Jeep and started off.

"You never did tell me about your family Ethan. I shrugged, "How about I tell you while I clean?" He seemed to accept this and we turned on the radio. I got the mail and shook my head at the envelopes from my dad, so much money. I started putting a lot of it into a savings account because there was no way, even being a shape shifter, that I was going to go through the full amount he was sending each week in groceries, especially since I was staying with Embry.

I decided to start my cleaning in the bedrooms since they would need the least amount of work. I began with my dad's. I started with the shelves, but I couldn't help but think about the box in his closet. What was in it? Why was he hiding something? Embry came in the room as I opened the closet. "What's up?" He came to stand by me as I took down the box. I handed it to him and shut the door.

"What's this E?" He looked down at the box. I took it from him, "I honestly do not know. But I feel like it's important. Let's go to my room." He followed me and I walked into my bedroom, setting the box in the center of my rug so I could open my window. I got some tools and sat on my rug. Embry was looking around my room, running his hands along pictures hanging neatly on the wall. He lifted one and ran his fingers along a divot in the wall. I hurriedly looked away and back to the box.

I heard him replace the picture and I inspected the box more closely, feeling the weight. There were no markings, no words, nothing but the dark tone of the wood and the lock. He sat across from me and I fiddled with the lock, picking up a tool in an attempt to pick it.

Soon I heard it click and the lid opened slightly. Inside were papers, pictures, and a few small trinkets. I picked one up, a picture of my mother holding me when I was just a baby. I did not even know that we had any pictures of her. The only pictures we had in our house that were of our family, were my school pictures. I handed it to Embry, "I almost forgot what she looked like." Her chocolate eyes stared out from the image. I picked up an envelope from the box.

 _Ethan, my sweet boy. I once started this letter when you were still growing inside my belly. It is difficult to write, you see. I have so much to tell you. And so little time. Your father and I, we love you very much. Poor Johnathan. He does not understand his heritage._

 _So let me begin with my own. We are descended from the Quileute tribe. The legend has it, that we are descended from wolves…_

I skim over her retelling the story of Taha Aki and the cold ones.

 _It's all true. Honestly. I know you are young, only crawling around at my feet right now, but one day you will understand._

 _Your father, oh John. He does not understand himself. He is from a small place in Canada. I do not know the name for it is almost all country side, with miles between houses. But once, it was populated by a different tribe. The actual legend is fractured because the majority of the tribe was wiped out. Your father himself is only a fraction native. This is why his skin is so light compared to ours, and why his eyes are so light._

 _The basis of the legend is that the panther would come to assist the tribe in times of trouble, healing those who were sick or wounded, protecting those who could not protect themselves. The panther was just as we wolves, the protectors._

 _I am a werewolf, my child. My dear boy, I turn into a large protector to keep us safe. Your father missed his window, and will never turn into a panther. Never phase. I almost missed my time. I was young when I left home. I had just graduated high school, and I could not stay on the reservation any longer. I could feel something, tugging at my heart that I was meant to move on, to find something._

 _I traveled for a while, ending up in Michigan when I was suddenly very hot. I couldn't keep calm, angry at so many. And I went running in the woods, and phased. I was confronted almost immediately by a vampire. And I could hear the legends echoing in my head as I took him down. It was me or him._

 _I kept to myself as I traveled around Michigan and moved to Ohio, where I began studying. And one day, I walked into the grocery store, and my world stopped. I found what had been drawing me away from my home. Johnathan. Your father was very handsome, still is in fact. I couldn't stay away from him. I had to meet him, know him. We became very good friends. He was actually dating someone else at the time. And for about a year, we simply talked, spent time together as friends, with others, alone. As long as I was with him._

 _When he left his girlfriend, we became closer, until we ended up together. Unfortunately his job keeps us moving, and I can't resist the urge to keep our family safe. I told him about my "hunting" trips, occasionally I would bring back deer meat and things so he would never suspect my lie. I go hinting for the vampires, making sure there are none close enough to harm us. But I cannot tell your father._

 _I am so sorry that I have to keep this a secret from you. But my hope, is one day, you find this Ethan. There is no key to this box that I am going to seal. Your father thinks it is one of those time boxes that you store things for when your child grows older and I forbid him from opening it. In a way, it is one of those time capsules. Anyway. I love you my silly child._

The letter ended. A tear ran down my cheek and Embry reached over to brush it away. I gave him the letter to read as I looked through the box. I found so many pictures of her and my father in the box, it astounded me. The emotions were beginning to be almost too much for me. This only sort of explained how I came to be. But why do I change into different big cats? Would I turn into a wolf some time? Was this some strange effect because they mixed blood lines?

Embry put the letter in the box and I closed it, only keeping the picture of her holding me out. Em and I stood, "Are you okay Ethan?" He tried to reach out to me, but I shrugged him off and went downstairs, wrapping the box inside my coat so I remembered to take it with me. Embry followed my movements as I went back up the stairs and began dusting once more.

He sat on my bed when I got to my room again, "So I guess we both discovered a little more about my family. My dad never talks about mom. Sage. I didn't know her last name before she was married. I am simply Ethan Snow. And she was Sage Snow, wife to Johnathan Snow. Well. Let's see."

I maneuvered my way through the house, "My dad. He used to smile a lot, he was so cheerful and a good man. It…Well it all seemed to fade out of him when she passed. All of a sudden it was like he was perpetually numb. He didn't respond much when I would touch his hand. He hardly spoke, ate almost nothing. The house started to become a mess from the trash he would just let sit when he brought home fast food. I took over everything my mom used to do. Since he was often away, she basically did all of the house work. So I started with picking up the trash he left. I started learning how to cook simple things. Scrambled eggs, grilled cheese, pizzas in the oven. Soon I was making broccoli and chicken for us. I did the laundry, I washed the dishes, I cleaned the counters and the bathrooms. And all the while, he sat in his chair or went out to work. I went to school, I came home and cleaned. That was my life. I accepted it."

I moved to the kitchen and went through the cupboards, looking for things that I would need to use soon so they did not expire. I began to mix up a pancake mix while I spoke, "Eventually he looked like the rain cloud he had been under began to dissolve. But not until he had to check me into a hospital. Some of the kids at school had been picking on me. Sure we got into little tussles every once in awhile, but on my way home one day, the bullies and some older kids beat me up pretty bad. That's when my dad showed any emotion on his face. He came to sit with me and he looked so concerned, he told me he loved me. And when I told him what happened I saw him angry. His job moved us away from Arkansas pretty soon after and we started over. He started to smile again."

I sighed as I poured the batter on to the hot pan, littering the batter with chocolate chips and blueberries I had thawed out from the freezer, "We were doing so well. But one of the guys that had picked on me in Arkansas, moved to the same town as us in Illinois. And…" I shuddered, holding my head. I sat down as I let the dizziness pass. Embry came to kneel beside me, wrapping his arms around me, "You alright Ethan?" I nodded and soon the swirling room stopped moving, "I think that's a story for another time. Anyway, my dad and I got along just fine for the most part. It was just us. When he stopped acting like a zombie, we bonded a little. I can't believe I even have any other living relatives. I mean, I phase, I find out I am related to Paul, and then my dad tells me he is inviting my grandmother that I had no idea even existed to come and stay with me."

I put my head in my hands as Embry rubbed soothing circles on my back. I had to give it to him. He never interrupted, never made faces at me during my speech, simply listened.

I felt him kiss the top of my head, "I'm sorry Em. I talk so much," I tried to give him a reassuring laugh, but it came out forced. "I get it. No worries. I do have a question though," he stood up, taking me with him and led me to the wall in my room that held all the drawings and pictures of random things. He moved the one he had picked up earlier and asked, "What are these?"

I placed my hand, shaped into a fist and set it into the divot, a perfect match. "There are only two. Under the tree here, and the bench there," I pointed to a second picture, this one of a bench in a clearing. "You going to explain all of this to me sometime?" I looked at my feet, "Maybe. These are from when I started to get angry, shortly before I phased. I didn't even really know I had done it until I looked." He took ahold of my upper arms and I could feel the tension roll through my body, my heart quickened, and my eyes went wide as I snapped my head up to look at him.

He furrowed his eyebrow in confusion and let go of my arms like he had been burned. Only the warmth in his eyes kept me on my feet and in front of him. If he looked away I was sure I would fall. He held up his hands in a surrendering way and took a tiny step closer to me, "E, what did I do? Are you alright? Take a breath." I inhaled sharply, realizing I hadn't been breathing. He stepped closer until our chests were almost touching, he lowered his hands and touched my hips so light, I almost didn't register that he had done so. His eyes stayed locked on mine as I began breathing in a steady rhythm, in and out. In out. In out. He moved one hand to the small of my back, and the other he lightly moved up my side, over my arm and shoulder to cup my face, "Are you back now?"

I calmed and it hurt to look at him, he looked so sweet. I could see the worry plainly written on his face. I couldn't help but feel bad for how he must feel, "I'm sorry." I leaned my head onto his shoulder and let his arms wind around me, as I did the same, clutching him to me tightly. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you. I just can't. I can't talk about it." He just held me, "I don't know why you are apologizing. I'm not entirely sure what happened. But I think it's time to get something to eat. Hmm? And then maybe head to bed? Get some well needed sleep."

I suddenly jerked away from him, "The pancakes!" Oh shit.


	9. Conflicting

**Well...this is where my plot took me. Please leave me some feedback!**

So the first pancake might have been a little over cooked…Okay maybe it was black and crusty. I made the rest with little to no interruption and they were delicious. We decided not to talk much more for the night, for both our sakes. I popped in a movie, something not too serious, but not a comedy either. I took my spot on the couch and Embry sat right next to me, two glasses of water in his hands. I took one and watched the screen as the movie came on.

I was comfortable. And I did not know if I was glad for it or not. I've never truly been accustomed to being comfortable, and with how close Embry was, I should really be uncomfortable. But I allowed it, more than tolerated it. I enjoyed it; his warmth, his closeness, his touch. But I couldn't help thinking I should really lean away. I should move. But as the movie went on, I felt my eyelids sinking, so heavy. I didn't realize that I eventually slumped onto Embry, leaning on him as I fell asleep.

My dreams swirled through my head. Not making any sense, they filled me with a sense of fright that I was not accustomed to.

I was too hot, something was pinning me down. My heart pounded as I struggled to free myself from whatever was keeping me pinned. When I discovered I couldn't move my arms, I screamed.

Whatever was pinning me was suddenly gone. Something touched my arm and my fist came hurdling toward whatever it was before I could stop it. It collided with something and I jumped up, my eyes unfocused as I ran from the room.

I caught my breath as I locked myself in the bathroom. I sank to the floor, holding myself to stop the shaking that was becoming overwhelming. I dabbed at the wet on my eyes as the shaking slowed, giving me control of myself back. I heard footsteps as I recognized where I was. My house, my bathroom. The footsteps got closer and I heard whoever it was knock softly, "Ethan…Are you alright?" The voice sounded familiar, and it was comforting. But the sudden feeling of comfort was jarring in my state of mind, causing my breathing to speed up as I felt my pulse pounding again through my veins.

The person sat outside the door, and I heard him running his hand against the door. "Ethan," the voice seemed to choke out, and I felt bad. Bad for making this person so hurt by my actions. But when I acted, it was instinct, to fight and run from whatever was holding me.

I closed my eyes, feeling hands against me, taking hold of my arms, smelling the metallic rust of blood. I heard a gasp. Why? Oh, I forgot. People can see what I see if I am not careful…

I laid down on the floor of my bathroom, no worries about whether it was clean, of course it was, this was my house. A slight breeze came under the door crack and I sensed the familiar scent of spice and woods. _Embry._

That's right…he took me home…We made pancakes. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. "I'm sorry," my voice was quiet, shaky. "Give me a minute."

I could hear him shifting outside the door, moving away from it I guessed.

Slowly I collected myself, all the different pieces of me, and stuffed them into place as I stood. I unlocked the door and peeked out. The trickle of sunlight from the early morning landed on Embry's face, making him look more like an angel than any thing else.

He made a move to step forward and stopped, "I'm not going to hurt you Ethan. Why are you shaking?" The look in his eyes nearly brought me to my knees, making me see how confused and concerned he was. He pitied me. I shook my head and ran my hands over my arms, "I'm sorry Embry. I'm fine. Or I will be."

He reached out to me slowly and I tried to steel myself, but I must have flinched because I saw him start to retract his hand. I didn't want him to leave. I closed the distance between us and took hold of his hand. He stared at our hands as our fingers intertwined, and I wanted to pull away, even as I wanted to pull him closer. He moved a little closer to me, and I felt a pleasant shock go through me, he wasn't mad at me. But he was going to want an explanation.

I sighed, "I'm sorry." He looked frustrated, "Stop apologizing. I'd rather you just tell me why you hit me." I examined his face closer and noticed that he had a light bruise on his cheek. "I'm s-" He put his hand up to cut me off, "Ethan. Really. Just explain." I sighed again, seemed that would be a lot of what I was doing. "I just had a nightmare. It was vivid enough that I wasn't really aware that I woke up." Ok so it was only a partial truth. It was more like I didn't know where I was.

He gave my hand a gentle tug so that I could resist if I wanted, but I allowed his tug to pull me into his arms. He buried his head in my neck and I heard him inhale as I put my arms around him. "Em…"

I wanted him to let me go, leave me alone. But I longed for him to just keep me right where I was. The conflicting emotions in me were suddenly overwhelming. But I wanted to be right where I was. He pulled back a little, staring at me. His eyes locked with mine as he cupped my face with his hand, brushing his thumb across my cheek, wiping away a tear that I did not know had fallen. His eyes were so warm, like molten lava, inviting as he leaned closer to me, and I closed the distance.

I was frozen in place as my lips touched the corner of his mouth, almost like I was caught between kissing his cheek and his mouth.

A feeling of bliss came over me, quickly followed by dread.

 **Fucking fairy.**

 **Faggot.**

 **Rainbow motherfucker.**

 **Gay ass.**

 **I know he just loves to take it.**

 **No way he could be a top.**

 **Fag.**

 **Devil.**

 **Whore.**

I heard the voices echoing in my head and pulled away from Embry quick, feeling my face burn. "I think you should leave." _I want you to stay._

He stepped away from me, "Eth-" I moved quickly around him, going to my front door, "Goodbye Embry." _Don't go…_ I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to see the disgust on his face, a look I was so accustomed to, but not on his face. I didn't want to hear him tell me how odd I was, how queer. I saw his feet as he paused by me in the doorway. And then he was gone with a growl. He hated me.

 **Review! I hope you don't hate me. I know it's a short chapter, but I felt like this was where it should end.**


	10. Back and Forth

**Thanks so much to my reviewers! And the new follows and such! GawkyTC I'm so glad! And Guest, all in good time! I love reviews. Hope you enjoy the new chapter!**

The first night alone, a slow ache began to build in my chest. But I stayed alone for a few days, and each day it got worse. Seth came to check on me once. But I quickly sent him away. I heard wolves pattering around outside, but they never came close enough for me to see. Renesmee was about the only person I saw, and mostly because she went to school with me. I felt better with her around, probably because she was influencing my emotions, but I wanted it. She became my comfort. But school would be out soon for break. And hadn't I promised to go over and have Thanksgiving on the res? Yes.

Ness would come home with me, stay with me, and sometimes I would cook for the two of us. She always enjoyed what I made. Especially when I made steaks. Mmm.

But some nights, I woke up out of breath, and not from nightmares. But simply because I couldn't breath from the pain that laced my every movement. I decided a few days before break that I had to see Carlisle.

Renesmee drove my Jeep to their house after school and I waited as he ran tests on me, trying to figure out what the problem was. The cool stethoscope against my chest brought me from my thoughts, "Ok, again. Breathe in. And. Now, breathe out. Keep going."

Over and over again. Yet he found nothing strange except for the growing pain. Nothing seemed to be out of place when he X-Rayed me. Nothing terribly strange showed up in my blood tests.

He simply went over them again.

And nothing changed.

So, Renesmee and I decided to go out, just walk in the clear air outside. The crisp air was refreshing to breath in after being Carlisle's home medical office. I wanted to know how the pack was doing, but I didn't want to see Embry's face. I didn't want to see the hatred and disgust… So instead I hid amongst the Cullens.

Renesmee had taken to driving my Jeep to and from school when she would come over and ride with me. It suited me just fine. I had discovered that I trusted her with my baby. The lack of air at night would keep me up, so often I would nap on the drive. I think that's why she wanted to drive honestly, because she could see the bags under my eyes.

People at school were excited to be leaving school for a week or two, depending on their families. And I didn't know if I was on the same page as them. But I could put on a smile. Almost as soon as Ness and I hopped into my Jeep, I was closing my eyes, quickly falling asleep.

The rumble of the Jeep's engine was so soothing, like a purring. Each jostle was comfort to me, reminding me that I was still alive. But as the feelings faded, and I slipped fro consciousness, I entered into another nightmare.

 **I can taste salt from my tears, and the tang of my blood. What? I had bitten my lip so hard to keep quiet. I didn't want to show my weakness. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. But it had become too much for me. The cuts on my shoulders were deep, they would leave scars. He was coming back. I could hear his footsteps. Echoing in my head, "Oh Ethan. I didn't want to do this to you. You left me no choice. With every movement." He put the heels of his hands into two of the cuts and pressed down.**

I woke up to a scream. Who was screaming? Oh…I screamed. My heart raced, my mouth hurt, I had bitten the inside of my cheek so hard it bled. I looked around, I was buckled in my Jeep still. But we weren't at my house. We were on the reservation. In front of Sam and Emily's house. I sighed as I tried to slow my breathing. With any luck there wouldn't be any of the pack around.

Embry…A tug at my heart and I was soon trying not to cry. I wanted to take it all back, each touch…I wanted to so that he would look at me and smile. I just knew what he thought of me. He thought I was a creature. No better than the dirt he walked on.

I rubbed my face, fiercely trying to scrub away the tears and residue from my nightmare. I couldn't get rid of the sweat that clung to my shirt though. I would have to deal with that.

I got out of the Jeep when I felt composed enough. And when I walked into the house, Emily greeted me with muffins. I wanted to hug her. But I refrained myself and simply thanked her as I sat down at the table. "How are you today?" She was so excited, it looked like she was just going to explode if she didn't talk, "Oh it's so wonderful. I'm pregnant!" I felt a smile break through onto my face, "Oh good! I'm so excited for you. Do you know yet if it's a boy or a girl?" She shook her head and sat with me, "We've wanted for so long. I'm so happy, I thought I would never have a child. The last time I was pregnant, I lost the child. I didn't know if it was me, or if it just wasn't meant to be then."

She looked like she had just transported herself into some dreamland as she stared out the window where Sam was just emerging, "He was so worried about me. It was tough on both of us. But now. I was hesitant to tell him, but when I did, he and I both decided that we wouldn't tell anyone until Carlisle had checked and made sure I was far enough along that it was unlikely I would have another miscarriage." She was so happy when she went on to tell me about all her plans, and the room that would be her new baby's. Sam came up behind her after he came in the house and nuzzled her neck. They were so affectionate, "I'm so

happy for you both. You make such a wonderful couple."

I couldn't help but grin at the way she blushed just a little and he puffed his chest with pride and a smile. I almost missed the look they gave each other shortly after, like they were having a silent conversation. I continued to eat my muffin, "Hey do you know where Ness went?" Sam nodded, "She went over to Jake's place. I'll give you the directions if you want to meet up with her." I took them, not like it would be hard to get there from here, but it was nice to have just in case. It wasn't too far so I walked.

I stopped not far from the house when I heard raised voices. "Jake he's in pain! He never sleeps. I don't know what to do. I can't tell him anything. But if this gets any worse…" I heard Jacob grumble, "I know. I don't know what happened though! Embry won't talk about it. And when we phase together he just keeps repeating the same song in his head so I don't know what he was thinking about. It's frustrating. I mean I could _make_ him tell me, but I don't want to pry using commands. That's wrong." I heard him sigh and could tell Renesmee was probably hugging him, whispering words of comfort. "You remember when you left me alone? When you would cry for no reason? When I would feel pain without understanding? Our bond is one so deep, nothing could keep us separated for long. I snuck out the window, not really knowing my destination. I just knew I had to go."

I could hear the smile in his voice, "You weren't yet allowed on the reservation. But you didn't know that. I had been out running and the next thing I knew, you were staring at me from a tree with your stuffed wolf in your arm, you were so cute." He chuckled and I heard a smack, "I don't look like I'm eleven anymore Jacob!"

I backed away into the tree line, I had eavesdropped enough. I would ask her later if she had been talking about me and Embry. Or if it was him and someone else. The thought of that made me wince. As much as

I wanted to push him away, I wanted him to be with me. As a friend as a boyfriend. What?

 **Fag.**

I shook my head. Won't happen. Stop thinking. I picked up my pace, from walking, to jogging, to running. Into the forest. I stripped down and rolled up my clothes before shifting by a stream. I closed my eyes as I felt a breeze ruffle my fur.

I went over to the stream, looking down. A snow leopard? I think this one so far is my favorite look. And I can't even feel the chill of the wind. Up and down the stream I run, I play, I enjoy my time alone.

I heard someone approaching and experimented with my mind link with the pack testing names. But I got no responses at first. I hopped into one of the nearby trees to wait. Not long after, there he was. The grey fur shifting over muscle. The black spots in his coat that made him stand out to me. _Embry._

He looked up in my direction when I thought his name. _Ethan._ Images of me staring at the floor in my doorway appeared with a feeling of frustration. And I cut off the link. I bounded away, from tree to tree, knowing that I was just enough faster than him. I felt a tug in my chest as I ran away. Away from him, and my fear.

At some point, I realized he stopped chasing me and I heard a howl in the distance. I ran until I was outside of Sam and Emily's again. That's when I phased back. I shook myself out until I was settled into a state of moderate melancholy before heading inside. Jake and Ness were there with most of the pack and their girlfriends. Leah, Brady, Collin, and Embry were missing.

I settled into the tug and pull with the group, the food, the jokes, the simple being with each other that made me feel at home. Home.

"What do you want to cook for dinner Ethan?" Emily was smiling at me, "I just want to know so I don't try to make double of it." I nodded, "I was thinking of making the pies and bringing the mashed potatoes."

She laughed, "I hope you remember how many wolves will be eating." She winked at me as everyone discussed the new food topic. Leah and Embry walked in together and he sat in the empty spot next to me on the couch. I unintentionally leaned in his direction when he out his arm on the back of the couch behind me, not touching.

I couldn't look away from my hands, twiddling my thumbs and occasionally talking to Emily or Paul.

Paul eventually took one of my hands and made stand, "Come on Ethan, let's go do family things." I'm sure my face was priceless in confusion as he laughed and dragged me from the room and out of the house. "Let's go to the beach. It's too cold for anyone else to be there."

We took an odd, winding path to the beach, "What's up Paul?" He seemed to be lost in thought as we went. "I wanted to just hang out with you. I feel like we should be closer, I mean. We are family. And really, you're about all I have left. Tell me something. About you family."

And so I did. I told him about my life with my dad, my time that I remember of my mother, the letter I found from her. He just nodded the whole time until I was done. "I lost dad a couple years ago. He liked to eat just a little too much. Heart attack. But Rachel was always there. She wants to move, but she stays for me. She always knows how to make me smile." He told me about how they met, and it was just instantaneous for them. I could understand, since I met Embry I felt pulled to him, but when I looked into his eyes, it was like he was there solely for me. But of course this was not the case.

We continued to the beach, and the waves were oddly calm for once. "There'll be a storm tonight," Paul declared with confidence, "I love how it smells." We both took a deep breath, and I knew what he meant, I could smell the rain. We attempted to skip stones for a short while before eventually deciding to turn back, "You know Embry feels bad."

My head snapped up at that, "I don't know what you mean." I faced front again as he spoke, "I don't know what happened, I don't need to. But he never sleeps. All he does is patrol right now. He feels bad about whatever he did or said. And I know you have your reasons, but maybe you should talk to him." I furrowed my eyebrow, everyone always told me Paul was a hothead, impulsive. And mostly from what I knew of him, he was. But now I saw what Rachel must see. He looked concerned. "I'll try. It's just, there are some things," I trailed off and he didn't push.

But after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, he punched my arm and smiled, "Race ya back." I grinned, and we took off to Emily's, in the direction my heart was pulling me.

 **Let me know what you think!**


	11. Thanksgiving

**Hello again! Thanks so much to everyone reviewing and adding this to favorites and follows! I hope you like this chapter...**

Paul was right, I should talk to Embry. But I don't know if I can explain yet. Something I've been keeping to myself for so long. I've never spoken about it. I saw him waiting by my Jeep, and Paul nodded at me as he went into the house.

I looked up and our eyes locked. My world fixed itself again, and he took a few slow steps toward me. But soon he closed the distance between us and slowly let his arms come around me, pulling me into a hug. I ran my hands up his back, holding on as I felt myself sinking into his hold. This was right where I wanted to be.

If he only knew.

"I'm sorry Ethan," his breath tickled my ear as he whispered. I didn't know why he apologized, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry." He pulled back a little; his eyes searched mine for something, what, I did not know.

He looked a little off kilter, and I sighed and leaned my head against his shoulder, glad that he had yet to look angry, yet to look disgusted with me, but I was not taking any chances. We stood like that for some time, just settling into the feeling of comfort of each other. I missed that.

We separated ourselves from each other and we both stood, not speaking, just looking at the ground, at each other. A few times I looked up to find him staring at me, and I would look away, questioning every look, waiting for the disgust.

I could feel the blush coming across my face as the silence grew. Renesmee came hopping down the stairs from Emily's and took my arm. I waved at Embry, "See you soon?" He nodded and walked away, taking part of me with him. As much as I wanted to deny that I liked him, I couldn't. I could pretend all day, swear up and down to everyone else that there was nothing there, but I could not lie to myself.

I have always been attracted to guys. I didn't think anything of it. I kept to myself anyway. But I've never come right out and told anyone that I was gay. It's just not something you randomly shout to people you don't know. But I am getting to know Embry. And his reaction hasn't been bad to our closeness. But yet, I still worry that he will turn from me. Like everyone else had.

Fuck, I could feel the tears trying to escape as Ness led me to my Jeep. "Why does it even matter?" She ignored my mutterings and started driving. I could hear wolf howls in the distance as we drove off of the reservation.

The slow ache began again as we reached my house, and I rubbed the center of my chest. She quickly went to work in the kitchen, finding leftovers from the night before, and began the reheating process, "Ethan. There are some things that simply need to be said and done, no matter the consequences, no matter how they hurt. They need to happen. You might want to think about that tonight."

I nodded, and sat at the table in the kitchen, "Were you talking about me earlier with Jake? And Embry?"

She stilled for a moment, "Yes."

"Why? What about?"

She went back to the food, pulling out dishes and things, "I think that is a conversation you need to have with Embry. Because if you don't know what I was talking about, then he hasn't told you." I let my head fall to the table with a thump. We were both hiding things.

I heard Ness put our plates down and I decided there was no reason to let it go to waste, so I ate with her in silence. I thought about what Paul and Ness had said. But how do you face the one thing you've been avoiding, pretending it never happened?

After dinner, Renesmee and I washed the dishes and she left me to my own devices for the rest of the night. I was alone again. Even though it was late, I went to check the mail since I had yet to get it that day. Mostly it was junk mail, with the exceptions of the one from my dad and one from and Iona Snow. My grandmother.

I quickly made my way into the house, locking all the doors before heading up to my room. I changed into a pair of sleep pants before sitting on my bed and opening the letter.

 _Dear Child,_

 _I suppose I should introduce myself, I am your grandmother. I have long awaited to meet you, but as your father and I do not often get along, I decided it was best to let him or you reach out to me, instead of forcing my way into your life. I made that mistake with your father, and I will not make it again._

 _Now, I live in Wisconsin currently, but if all goes well with you, I may be moving closer to you all to be close to family. But I may be getting ahead of myself._

 _I plan to be in town around the sixteenth of December. I did not wish to intrude upon any previously made plans for Thanksgiving. So, I am hoping that this sits well with you. Ethan, I hope we can become close as family does. And I look forward to meeting you in person. Attached is a picture so that when we meet, you do not say, "Who is this crazy old woman in my house?"_

 _Iona Snow_

There were actually three pictures in the envelope. One was of an older woman, with wrinkles and greying hair being the only way to place her as older. Her shoulders and back seemed to be straight and she exuded confidence and authority. Her dark eyes stared from her thin face. I assumed this must be her. She wore some oversized jeans and a strange Christmas sweater. The next picture was of the same woman, but much younger with a smile on her face, and a small boy in her arms. A taller man stood with his arm around her smiling at the boy who I could only assume to be my father and the man to be my grandfather. The next was a picture of a time in between the two photos. She was not yet greying, but she was not so young. The man was not present, but my father, who looked to be about my age in the picture, was standing next to Iona, neither smiling, simply staring at the camera.

I set the letter and pictures aside in the box from my mother and fell back into my pillows. What the hell is going on in my life?

Soon Thanksgiving break was upon us and Nessie and I were doing some last minute grocery shopping.

Ness and I walked out to her car, talking about the dinner and whether or not her family would be attending when I felt a shoulder bump into mine and my breathing stopped. I turned around and watched an eerily familiar figure walk away, never looking back at me. The set of the shoulders, the jet black hair. Only Nessie's tugging on my arm reminded me to breath as she dragged me away.

"Earth to Ethan. Come now. It's time to pack these away so that tomorrow you can make dishes." I nodded and we piled the food into the car before heading off to my house.

My nightmare that night wasn't so hard to deal with in the morning, I didn't even remember it. I simply took my shower and got to work on the food. It took me awhile to finish some of the projects they assigned us at school to do over break, and also get the food prepped and ready for final cooking procedures, but Thanksgiving day arrived, and my food was packed up and ready to be eaten as I drove my Jeep to the res.

There were people everywhere when I arrived. In and out of the house, there were tables set up with rowdy pack members, children running, and the kitchen was constantly invaded as people came and went to get dishes out. Only when Emily announced that the food was ready did most of the group settle down and everyone sat at tables. The noise level never completely went away as people laughed and told stories. I grinned, even as Embry sat across from me. It was just so nice to be with everyone. Even the Cullen's were present, even if they weren't eating.

Emily's house had become the Cullen's favorite place on the reservation. It was the one place that they could go and not feel the tension rolling off of everyone, because Emily would not allow that hostility toward her guests.

Carlisle was telling a story about how when he found Isle Esme and when he gifted it to Esme. Everyone listened, and I could almost see some of the people in the room lighten their attitudes toward him and his family as they listened to him express his love for her.

More stories were told, jokes were said, and everyone simply had a good time as we enjoyed the food and being together. I didn't move away when Embry's and my hands brushed. I took hold of it and gave his hand a light squeeze as I smiled at him. I caught his smile just before I let go.

Everyone eventually began dispersing when it began to get late. Embry, myself, and Rosalie assigned ourselves to kitchen duty to clean up the dishes. I assume Rose only assisted because she and Emily had grown relatively close after the news of her pregnancy. If Rose had only one weakness, it would be babies. She dried and put away the dishes.

When we were finished, we all headed outside and she took in a deep breath, "Thank goodness. It's much better smelling outside. And not just because the wind blows away the dog smell, but the smell of the food was becoming overwhelming." She gave my shoulder a light squeeze before going to Emily and giving her a quick hug and running away with Emmett.

I felt Embry's hand give my shoulder a light squeeze, "It was nice to see everyone getting along." I put one of my hands over top of his and gently lifted it so I could escape, "It was. I liked being here. It was great." I tried to give him a quick hug before leaving, but when his arms went around me, it was like they locked me in place. "Embry, not right now." I didn't want to ruin the night with talk of things that I didn't want anyone to overhear.

He stepped away from me and took my hand in his, "Not here. But tonight, yes. Come on." He hopped in my Jeep and refused to get out, "Either we go to my house or yours. Pick, but we're having this talk tonight." I sighed and drove us to his house. We both got out and went in to sit on the couch. I sat cross legged on one side, facing him on the other. We stared without saying anything for a long time.

I looked him in the eye, those gorgeous eyes. Aha, Ethan shut up. Stupid thoughts, "Why were Jake and Nessie comparing us to them?" I assumed that was what they were doing the other day. "They were talking about some deep bond they have and talking about our…fight." He looked away from me.

"I don't think that's were we should start," he trailed off. I reached forward and took one of his hands in mine, "I need to know." He looked back at me, "When we met, and you looked me in the eye, did it feel like the world had settled? Like everything had just fallen into place," I nodded and he seemed to smile, "Because that happened for me. You are the center of my world now. I want to be whatever you need, whatever you want. You're my imprint, Ethan. My perfect match. And I would do anything for you."

I furrowed my eyebrows. It sounded so romantic, this notion. But yet, it left a bad taste in my mouth. He would do anything for me, yet he still doesn't know me. "Why? You don't even really know me."

He took both my hands in his, "I want to know you Ethan. I want to be your friend." Friend. There it was. I didn't want to see the disgust on his face. I removed my hands from his.

He ran a hand through his hair, "I just need to know Ethan. Why do you flinch away from me sometimes? What was your nightmare of when you hit me? Why won't you talk to me about it? I contemplated his questions, whether I should answer them, and if I did, how I should.

"Why do you even care?" He blanched, "Because you're my imprint." What was that supposed to mean? That the imprint was the only reason that he cared?

"That's the only reason you spend time with me isn't it?" I didn't understand, but this love at first sight experience that he calls imprinting… Well, maybe. Maybe it is good. Maybe this meant that I would be able to have someone to rely on. Maybe I would always have a friend here with him. But…

He shook his head, "With or without the imprint I would have wanted to know you Ethan. There's just something about you, maybe it's the way you walk. You draw me to you, even without the imprint. The imprint only takes hold when you lock eyes, but I saw you as you were leaving the party in the forest, I was late you know, and I knew I had to know you." I felt the couch shift, and I looked up to see him leaning forward on his hands, "I like you Ethan. Is that so hard to understand? I like being your friend, I like getting to know you. I like spending time with you. Tell me you don't like it and I'll leave you alone."

I shook my head no, "I do like spending time with you. I just can't wrap my head around this. Before I moved here, I didn't make friends. At least not really. I didn't spend time with other people. I guess it's just hard to get used to."

His hands twitched in my direction, "Tell me more about you Ethan. About before you lived here. I want to know you.." He took one of my hands in his, and gave me such a sweet look. All I wanted in that moment was to tell him. Tell him anything he wanted to know. But I couldn't.

I stood up, out of his grasp, "I can't think. I really can't wrap my head around this. You. You don't make any sense in my head. Nothing about this should be right. I feel like this is all a dream. That this is not real, that the nightmares I have are reality. Why do you care!"

I couldn't help the last sentence becoming a shout. This has always been how I responded to situations like this. Given my past, it's not hard to understand why. I try not to let people get close to me.

I wanted to run. But the worst part is, I wanted him to chase me, to catch me. He shouted, "Why does it bother you!" We were both standing now, like we were about to face off. His face softened and he held up his hands like he was surrendering, "Why does it bother you that I care?" I remained quiet. Why did it bother me? Because it gave me false hope. It made me think, that maybe, we really could be together.

I sighed and clenched my hands together. "I flinch from you because I used to get in a lot of fights. And sometimes, when you grab hold of my arms, it reminds me of them and I flinch." Will I ever not be lying to him? That sentence was as much true as it was false. Parts were correct, but not all the dots line up.

I lowered my face, deciding to tell him one of the stories. "I was walking home from school when Alan grabbed me. He was bigger than me, and I had thought we were becoming friends, you know? I was only five foot six or so in comparison to his six foot self. He played football, ran track, so he was strong. He knocked me out." I turned away from Embry so I could tell him more of the details, "When I woke up, he was standing over me. I was bound and he had a knife," I lifted my shirt up to show him some of the scars. "I'm sure you saw some of these when we went to the beach and had gone swimming. Not all of these are from this particular story." I let the shirt fall back into place, "He flipped me over onto my stomach. He told me I deserved everything he did to me. He cut into my shoulder blades, and then dug the heels of his hands into the cuts, making it so much worse."

I turned around after a few moments of silence and his face was twisted up with disgust, a slight growl emanating from him. I turned away again, "This is exactly why I don't want you to care! I don't tell people about my past. Your imprint is wrong. I can't handle this." I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyes as I took off, leaving the building and hopping in my Jeep. Leaving him behind.

The only thing I had been trying to avoid, this whole time was that look of disgust on his face. He barely knew anything about me, and he wanted to know, so I started to tell him and that wasn't even the worst of it. I actively fought my feelings now. Trying to forget about Embry. Trying to ignore everything he had said to me.

I know I wasn't being fair to him. I wasn't being fair to either of us. I should have been more rational. I should have put my past experiences aside for a moment to really look at him, at what he was saying. Instead I left him. And I tried to pretend I didn't care. Tried to pretend that he didn't matter to me.

And every time I pushed it away, I could feel myself becoming more hollow. I could feel the pain rolling through me. And I could hardly see past the tears that were clouding my vision. All I saw were the bright lights coming toward me.

 **Thoughts? *hides behind couch***


	12. Embry

**I know this is probably an odd turn of events. But...Well I don't really know what you all are thinking if you don't review. So *shrug* I hope that you are enjoying this anyway! Here's Embry's point of view.**

I didn't think I would be able to understand Ethan at this rate. As he ran from my house, I could feel my heart sink. I could feel the anger and disgust at what had happened to him running through me. I realized I probably shouldn't allow the feeling to show on my face, but I did not have time to compose myself before he turned around. And then he shouted at me and ran from me.

I wanted to scream, I was so frustrated. Those scars on his back, there were so many. I wanted nothing more than to understand him.

Every time he flinched from me, I could feel his discomfort, and something that felt like shame. I was trying to be patient, trying not to push him, but somehow I felt that if I never tried, I would never know. I wanted to soothe him. I wanted to protect him.

As he left I couldn't help but think about his face. Ethan has relatively feminine features. When he walked, he swayed his hips just so. His mouth looked so soft. His facial contours were softer than any of the guys on the res, but yet vaguely resembled Paul's even though Paul definitely had some distinct, hard edges. His eyes were so light, like when you look up through the leaves in the woods and the sun is shining through them, that's kind of how his green eyes looked when he was happy. But when he ran, his eyes were dark, like when there's a shadow over the grass.

I sunk into my couch as a sudden pain took hold of me. I clutched my chest. He's trying to fight the imprint. I remember when Ness and Jake went through a rough spot, and a similar thing happened to him.

The pain came and went, a little bit stronger each time, and ground my teeth together. I ran from the room just in time to phase, not bothering with my clothes that were now shredded. I howled loud and long as the pain suddenly was everywhere. I could hear voices coming near me, my name and Ethan's being whispered.

The next thing I knew, I was dressed in a car, on my way to the Cullen's house. "What happened?" I looked over to the driver's seat and found Jacob, "What's going on?" His face was grim, "Ethan was in a car accident on the way back to him house. Carlisle says he'll be fine." I nodded, feeling the aches running through me of whatever Ethan was experiencing. It must have been truly awful, because we don't feel the same level of pain our imprintee when they are the one experiencing it. So if my pain was that bad, I can only imagine what his was. Of course, it might have had something to do with him rejecting the imprint at the same time.

I sighed, feeling my own panic settle into me. I knew he would be alright. But would he try to reject the imprint again when he woke?

When we arrived, he was out cold. The monitor beeping and the steady rise and fall of his chest, the only indicators that he was alive. His face was lightly bruised, and I gently brushed some of his hair from his eyes. I sat down next to where he lay, taking his hand in mine. I felt better being near him, and I could only hope he felt the same. I lightly pressed my lips to his forehead, "Ethan. Imprinting is never wrong. We have this bond for a reason. You are the center of my world." I rested my head against his hand, and soon I was asleep.

I stayed with him while he slept each night. And when I came back and he was gone, I decided to let him be for now. I returned to the reservation. I wouldn't be able to stay away from him for long.

What was it about this guy…He made me want to hold him, to be with him as more than just his friend. And from what I could read from his body language, was that he wanted that too. Right? I mean he did kiss me. I touched the corner of my mouth as I paced in my living room, the same spot that he had touched with his soft lips. I shook my head. Maybe it would be better if I simply told him?


	13. After

**Thanks so much to the people following and reviewing! You're great :) Sorry this chapter is short and late. But! There will be another this week.**

 **Ethan, just after the crash.**

There was a ringing in my ears but I found I could clear it. I attempted to move, and suddenly, the world seemed different. I wasn't in my car. I wasn't on a road. I was no where and everywhere all at once. I heard voices, familiar voices. "It's best if he stays here. There will always be someone here, listening for any change."

I think they are talking about me. But why? Oh, the car. The lights. Is Embry ok? No wait. He wasn't with me. I was going home. I was running away. I could feel a sharp pain going through me as I remembered. I was running away from him because of the look he gave me. I never should have gotten close to him in the first place. Or anyone for that matter. I do so much better when I'm alone. Right?

"Ethan." That voice. I wanted to lean into that voice. Embry. "Ethan. Imprinting is never wrong. We have this bond for a reason. You are the center of my world."

I could cry. I had to stay away from him. But I wanted to be around him, with him. Would I remember any of this when I woke up? Am I dreaming? Am I awake and paralyzed? My mind went black.

Who am I again? Ethan. I am Ethan. And I need to go home.

In and out, I faded. In and out. One voice came each time I was aware, and I felt a little warmer with him. I was comforted. I needed it. I wanted it. The words varied. But the tone was almost always soothing, even when it sounded unhappy.

In and out. Fading. But I felt stronger. And I faded into darkness again.

I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded by bright white. Lights. I was in a room. When I opened them again, there was someone there. Carlisle. His blonde hair reflected the light as he leaned down. "Can you hear me Ethan?" I nodded. I tried to talk and found that my throat was sore. He told me to relax, "You were in a car accident. If you were human, it would have been fatal." He began checking me over, "Aside from some swelling in your throat, you seem to be otherwise all healed."

He ran some tests, took my blood pressure, among other things. I wiggled my toes, I flexed my hands. Eventually he let me stand. When he was satisfied that I was steady and able, he allowed me to wander. Why did it take me so long to heal? Why is my throat still not healed? Carlisle's voice echoed in my head, "If you were human, it would have been fatal." Well ok then. That must be the reason. I shook my head. I couldn't stay here. I needed to go home.

Carlisle was the only one home when I woke up. He told me a few days had passed. I managed to get the point across to him that I couldn't stay and he let me go.

Of course, when I got outside I realized if I was in a car crash, I likely did not have a car. I was just heading back into the house when Carlisle came out, "Do you need a ride?" I nodded, hoping to convey my thanks through my eyes.

The car ride was quiet, with soft instrumentals playing from the stereo system. Carlisle didn't ask me any questions and I stared out the window. Words tumbled through me. Home, friend, love. These are all things I had been studiously avoiding for some time. And yet, when I got here, I simply could not resist. Why?

What was it about this town and these people that made me want to stay?

I thanked Carlisle when he pulled up to my house and began to retreat from the vehicle when he put a gentle, cool hand on my still sore shoulder, "If you need anything, you know where to find us." He gave me that warm smile, the one that made me feel at home. There it was again.

I gave him a half hearted smile, "Thanks. I'll keep you updated." I headed toward my house and heard him drive off as I opened the front door. I sighed, I was behind on my dusting thanks to my accident. I leaned on one of the walls, and slowly let myself sink to the ground. I could hear Embry's voice in my head. _Imprinting is never wrong._ But it had to be. I couldn't be his perfect match. I felt a sting in my chest and I wanted to cry. I wanted to talk to him. But I knew I would say something, or do something I would regret if I did.

No, I must stay away for now. I should get ready to go back to school tomorrow.

 **Review? In case I don't get to posting before then, Happy Thanksgiving!**


	14. December

**I'm so sorry this took so long! I've been busy with papers and such. I have part two to this chapter mostly but not yet done, so I decided to split it into two separate chapters. And thanks to the new followers and favorites!**

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Ness believed the "bad thing" that she and Alice had been predicting was the crash, so I was no longer staying on the reservation or with the Cullens. I was able to reside in my own house.

School was slow, but now I could look forward to another break. Everyone was suddenly stressing about their tests before we left on winter break, except for Renesmee and I. I shook my head as I wandered the halls to my next class, had they studied sooner, they wouldn't be worried. Nessie and I ate in relative silence at lunch for most of the week, mostly we talked about her family, or our classes. "Your family is full of talent, you know? I'm going to have to have training sessions with them. I think it would be interesting," I looked at Nessie with a small smile. She grinned, "Definitely. We can train together too!"

I felt like I was being watched, not necessarily an unfamiliar feeling when sitting with Nessie, but when I looked up and around, I couldn't find anyone looking at me. "Nessie, is someone staring at me? I can't seem to shake the feeling." She arched an eyebrow but nodded at me. I watched as her eyes scanned the room, but soon she closed her eyes and just leaned back in her chair like she was stretching, often what she did when she was feeling out the moods in the room. I picked up my orange and began to peel it while she did so. A shiver ran down my back, and the feeling stayed with me. She leaned forward, "For the most part the room feels pretty similar. But there is someone that is very…unhappy you could say. But the mood changes so swiftly that I can't quite figure it out." She shook her head, "Well come on. Lunch is almost over."

The days went on like that. I went home and cleaned, prepared food, did homework, tried to sleep, went to school all over again. All the while, the ache grew in my chest again. Sometimes I found myself struggling to breathe from the pain.

Ness would shake me from my dazing and try to convince me to talk to Embry, "I just don't understand. You clearly miss seeing him. What's the problem?" Really what was my problem? Embry doesn't know what he would be getting into with me. He isn't aware of what I want from him. And I don't want to be rejected by him. I suppose that's what this really boils down to. Fear of rejection. But how can I face him? If I was going to lose a friend, someone I cared about, I was going to do it my way. I sighed, "Ness. It's nothing. Really. Just drop it." Again and again we would have that conversation, and she would turn away with a grimace.

Sleep became my enemy. As the feeling of being watched persisted over the last week of school, the nightmares grew worse. Not only would I have trouble falling asleep because of the ache in my chest, but I would wake up breathless, crying, screaming. Dark circles were under my eyes again, and Ness would drive my Jeep when she rode with me.

My scars would ache would ache with a phantom pain when I would wake, and I would lose track of time in the showers. I would get in under the warm spray and I would zone out, suddenly lost in nothing, staring at the tiles on the wall with one hand on the wall supporting my leaning. I stared so long that the tiles became a blur and instead I would see smoke rising in the darkness. I would hear the one voice that haunted my nightmares. **You deserve to be punished.** It would whisper, shout, echo in my head. Only when the water turned icy would I realize what I had been doing.

Back to school again and again until finally the last day came. Tests were finished, we said goodbye, and with a sudden realization, my grandmother would be here in a few days.

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 **Sorry it took so long but... What do you think?**


	15. Iona

**I am soooo sorry it is taking me so long! It's the end of the semester and work is crazy. But after a long wait, here is 15! Thanks so much to all the reviewers and new fav and follows! You all make my day!**

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I cleaned up Dad's room, replacing the sheet set, dusting and vacuuming, hiding away any of Dad's things that he used for work and such. I basically locked the closet, but there was a wardrobe and mostly empty dresser she could use once she arrived. I washed and put away the simple and plain red sheets that Dad loved and let the more feminine light green and grey set take over the bed for her. I fluffed the pillows and made sure there were fresh clean towels in the bathroom for her, also taking time to remove Dad's soaps and things and replacing them with softer scents and shampoos in case she did not bring any.

I continued on this path of making the house more feminine for when Grandmother Iona arrived. I even repainted the living room to a light, yet warm tan tone so it gave the feel of a more open room, but would make her think of a fire burning in the fire place, or the sand on the beach. Or at least that was what I thought of when I looked at the newly dried walls.

I had just finished all of my modifications and was just coming home from grocery shopping, picking up vegetables and things to cook, when I noticed an older woman sitting on the front porch swing of my house. I thought back to the pictures that Iona had sent and compared it to the woman sitting there. Her back was straight as she sat, her shoulders set in a firm line. And when I stepped from my Jeep she stood, with her lips set, "Ethan." I would've thought she should be asking, but she sounded more like she was stating a fact. "Grandmother Iona," I followed her example and pulled out the two bags of groceries from the Jeep. I opened the door and let her in the house first, "I just need to put these away. Are you hungry Grandmother?" She seemed to inhale, breathing in the scents of the house as she stood not far from the entry way.

"Indeed I am, Grandson. But first I would like a glass of water if you please," she came to sit at the counter on one of the barstools and I quickly got her a glass of ice water before setting to my task of putting things away. She was quiet as she sipped from her glass, watching me as I placed everything in their proper places in the fridge.

I poured myself a glass of ice water before going to sit beside her, "How was your trip?" Her firm shoulders drooped a little and she put on a thin lipped warm smile, "My trip was a trip. It went smoothly with little delay. Are we going to small talk now? I'd much rather get to know the more intrinsic information about each other." She placed one of her soft, wrinkled hands on my arm, "I'm so glad to meet you, my grandson." Water seemed to well briefly in her eyes before she gave me a full smile, teeth and all. Only for a moment. Her face returned quickly to the stern face of a woman who has known the hardships of life.

"Tell me how you are enjoying Forks?" I stood and pulled some vegetables from the fridge and chopped them up, "I like it much better than most of the other places we lived." I paused, recalling the feeling of home when I arrived here. She observed how my face must have changed for she lifted an eyebrow, "Did you feel it? The pull and song of your blood. Speaking to you. You have found your place." She nodded. "What do you mean?" I pulled out some pork chops and seasoned them lightly, preparing a pan for them. She nodded again, "You did. You wouldn't want to leave would you? No, this is where your blood is strongest. This is where you will find the most peace within." I shrugged, "My blood called me here? I mean it isn't that I would want to leave anyway, but my body wants me to stay. Is that what you mean?"

She nodded and took a sip from her cup before speaking again, "Young son. You come from two lines of protectors. The panther and the wolf. An interesting combination. I assume you know what I am speaking of?" I stilled for a moment and nodded, placing the meat in the pan. She continued, "Then I assume you have discovered the form. The magic in your blood is strong. The spirits have gifted you. And this is where the spirits want you to be. I myself once was a great panther protector. My blood pulled me from my home land in Canada so that I could find my life partner." Her gaze was far off as she remembered, "Your grandfather. He was a good man, with the deepest green eyes." As I walked around to sit beside her, she took hold of my chin forcefully, looking me full in the face, "Your eyes are the same shade. It suits you." She released me and I sat, listening to the slight sizzle in the pan.

"Yes, your grandfather knew nothing of our blood. He knew nothing of our spirits. And so when your father was born, I stopped changing for his sake. I cared and cradled him. He grew up a happy young man. But we often did not see eye to eye. He did not want to learn of his heritage. He did not care for my legends. He would tell me they were only stories. And when my husband passed, I nearly died with him. I in fact wanted to pass on with him. But the spirits would not have it, as I am still here. You are the reason I was not meant to pass so soon. They knew you would need me."

Wow, I was learning new things every second I was spending with her, and she had only just arrived. "Did you know my mother? Is that how you knew about her heritage?" A crinkle appeared around her eyes as if she were smiling, but a smile did not crease her lips, "I met her yes. I was invited to the wedding. What a young fire she was. I told her of our legends and later she pulled me aside to tell me of her own. Of course, your father hardly knew anything of them. I knew from the way she spoke of them, that she shifted. But I kept it from my son because he did not believe in my legends, so why would he believe your mother's? I was sorry to learn of her passing," she took a pause and deep breath before continuing, "I longed to meet you. Your mother did send me a few pictures when you were just a babe, swaddled in blankets, a toddler just barely standing."

I stood to flip the meat and add some of the vegetables with a slight sauce, "So why does my blood call to me here?" She tilted her head down for a moment and back up, "I believe that has to do with how pure she was. There has been little interference with her bloodline. And in ours, we have much mixing. So I believe that her side is simply stronger." That sounded logical. However, I wondered if it had anything to do with Embry calling me his imprint…

My gaze drifted to nothing in particular as I thought about Embry. I rubbed my chest absentmindedly as his face appeared in my thoughts. I wanted to see him but I did not think I should.

I heard Iona clear her throat, "Ethan." I turned to face her, my hand still over my chest, "Yes Grandmother?" She looked at my hand on my chest, "Is there something the matter?" I shook my head and lowered my hand, "No ma'am. Why do you ask?" Her eyes narrowed, "You have a bond." That was it, a simple statement that hung in the air for a few moments.

"A what?" She looked at me a little more closely, staring at me as if she could indeed see right into me. "You have the bond. Like the one I had with your Grandfather. But yours." She stood and quickly came to stand beside me. Closing her eyes and feeling my arms and shoulders with her hands, "You have been given a blessing and a gift in this bond." She nodded as she turned me to touch my back and lifted my shirt quickly, "There is no mark as of yet which means it has yet to be sealed, but you my young son will be blessed." I pulled my shirt back down quickly and turned to face her, her face only showing her stern authority, "Grandson. What have you been through?" Her eyes almost softened, but soon she was tugging on my shirt and pulling me down to her with an iron grip, "Who has harmed a protector?"

"It was some time ago Grandmother. The situation was dealt with. Don't worry," I wiggled a bit and she released me. "What was this about a mark?" She nodded and went back to her seat, "A mark appears somewhere on your shoulder when you have sealed your bond." I raised an eyebrow and turned to the food in the pan, it was almost done. "So how do I seal this supposed bond?"

"That depends on the bond and the person. It can come in many forms. But once it is made, it cannot be undone. Even I have not had the blessing of such a bond. Your grandfather and I had one, but I can sense yours is to be much stronger then mine." All I could do was nod to that.

After we ate in relative silence, the rest of the day and night went by relatively quietly while she settled what she had into dad's room. I took to my room to question this supposed bond. Could that be what Embry was referring to? Could that be the imprint?

My sleep was for once, not plagued by nightmares. But instead I dreamt of a snow covered forest. Paw prints were in the snow around me as I stood under some trees, watching some of the snow flakes fall. I looked up to the cloud covered sky and caught a few snow flakes on my tongue.

The next few days were peaceful as I got to know my grandmother. Iona had some interesting stories to tell e about my father and his rebellious antics. He once dismantled a car with a few fellow students and rebuilt it inside the school gym. It just so happened, that it was her car so they figured it out pretty easily. And after a few more days, the ground was white with frost and snow taking over everything. I quickly grew comfortable with Iona. And she told me about her adventures as a panther and as a mother with an uncooperative child.

I dare say I might love this woman. My family.

* * *

 **So what did you think?**


	16. Break to School

**So I'm out of classes for now, so hopefully my updates will be faster again. Hope you like this!**

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Embry

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I couldn't stay away from him. Ethan… I didn't understand why he didn't get it! Renesmee warned me to give him some space. She kept getting some odd feelings with flashes of images in her visions. They were pretty confusing to me.

"Why do I have to stay away? You know I can't really do that. It hurts too much," I pulled my arms around myself. It had been a few days and the feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away. I felt sick. She reached her hand out to touch me, "Trust me." She let a vision of Ethan smiling run through my head. "Sometimes I see this. You need to let him have his space. He will come to you."

Jake clasped my shoulder, "I understand the feeling. Being away from Nessie for too long is like having someone punch me repeatedly without leaving any marks." Nessie nodded, "Or like someone is taking hold of your heart, and squeezing." They each reached a hand to each other and I could see them visibly relax at the contact. The way she folded into his side was magical, like she was made to be there.

I sighed, "I'll stay in the shadows."

I ended up just outside his house as the snow began to fall. I heard him laugh from inside. I wished I could see him, he hardly ever laughed. I heard him and someone else moving through the house. His grandmother must have arrived. I remember now. I was envious of her, even though I had no right to be.

Ethan went out onto the front porch with a steaming mug in hand. He took a deep breath as his facial features relaxed. I was downwind so he wouldn't catch my scent. He took a sip of his mug and, even though I was still some distance away, I felt better. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know everything. I knew there were things he wasn't telling me, and while I didn't want to push him, I felt like I needed to know.

As I watched him enter the house, I whined quietly, my wolf not happy with his departure either.

I stayed put, watching over the house for the day was my plan. I paced the perimeter, making sure I was within hearing range if something were to happen. At some point I laid down under a tree and fell asleep.

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Ethan

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I was enjoying Iona's company. She was a lovely woman. I don't completely understand why dad doesn't get along with her, but whatever. She and I talked, we ate, and today we celebrated my birthday with a movie marathon. For once, I wasn't the one cooking either. She baked me a cake and we ate chicken marsala with mushrooms.

At night, I opened my window to allow the crisp, cold air in briefly. It carried in the scent of pine. I shut my window before crawling into my bed, curling up with a blanket I had made for Embry for Christmas. I would give it to him eventually.

 **My back ached. I was starting to get dizzy from the loss of blood. And my heart beat at a frighteningly slow pace. My breath came in shallow gasps. I heard chains rattling against each other and glass shatter. But I could not have lifted my head if I had wanted to. I wanted to die. That was all I wanted.**

I opened my eyes. The nightmares were back.

Christmas day soon arrived, and Iona and I shared gifts. My father had even sent her a shawl to wear, which she promptly out on. For me, she gave me a leather bracelet with an inscription that I could not read. "What's this?" She nodded at me, "This is for guidance. May it help you realize the path best for you." I nodded and attached it, thankful for having been brought together with my grandmother.

Ness, who had left my gift on the porch that morning, gave me a new pair of running shoes, and I sent her gift over to her house, it was the shark slippers she had been wanting, the ones that look like they are eating your feet.

The nightmares would come and go. My father continued to send letters and money. The pain that built in my chest came and went. And every time it grew, I would think of Embry. Of how all I wanted was to see him.

A letter from the school arrived on the first of January explaining that I would be eligible to graduate early, meaning the end of this school year as long as my grade continued to stay well. I was excited and scared all at the same time, because where would I go after? What college? Would I even go to college?

Iona listened to my concerns, offered me advice. And in general, she lessened my worry. "Take each moment as it comes child. Treasure the time you have, because once it is gone, you can never get it back."

I dreaded going back to school. But alas, the second week into January I went back. My poor Jeep still bearing some dents and scars from the accident, but otherwise still running fine. Everyone was groaning from having to come back to school after the break. Classes were the same as usual. But I felt someone watching me again. I would ask Ness to search for whoever it was, but she usually found nothing.

One time, however, she discovered a residual feeling of unhappiness that she had not felt before in any of the students.

I didn't want Iona to leave. But she had to return to her own home to take care of some things, such as her pets. "I know they are fine but I miss them. Be well grandson." She gave my hand a light squeeze and I took her in a gentle hug before seeing her off, "Make sure to write to me." She gave me a short nod and then I was alone again.

Once home, the pain was at full force, and I curled up on the couch to rest and gain control. I tried to zone out. I left my mind and body, shutting down. This did not get rid of the pain, if anything it made it more intense when I "came back." But still, while I became a drone, I would feel little of the pain that previously could bring me to my knees.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I went for daily runs to lessen the feelings. Yet still they came.

I was out on one of these particular runs when I felt some one grab me. I felt a hand come over my mouth and I was shoved to the ground. A familiar voice echoed in my head, "You deserved to be punished."

Please let this just be another nightmare.

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 **Sorry it is short. I could really use some feedback.**


	17. Patrol

To the guest reviewer, I know! The two are infuriatingly dense. However, when I write them, this is what happens. And they take on a life of their own. I hope this answers your question as to where Embry is. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter though.

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Embry

I had patrols all day, but all I wanted to do was to follow Ethan around. But I knew he would spot me if I did. I hadn't been able to see him for a few days, and the knot in my stomach was getting worse. I needed to see him. But I would remind myself that he needed space. But if I was hurting, I knew he was too.

After hours of thinking and rethinking of what I should do about Ethan, I came to the conclusion to see him the next day. He couldn't avoid me forever. And he wasn't fighting the imprint anymore, or the pain would be far worse and wouldn't continue for so long.

I was about to end my shift around nightfall, but Jacob's voice echoed in my head. _Billy is sick. I'm about to take him to the Cullen's. I need you to take my shift tonight._

I sighed. _Alright Jake. I got you._

He let out a brief howl. _Thanks Em. I owe you._

I was alone in my head again.

I only encountered one rogue vampire the entire night. He was quick, almost as fast as Edward. But I was faster.

I took him out and quickly phased, gathered the pieces and set him on fire.

I waited for the fire to die down before making sure ash was all that was left and putting it out. We couldn't have any forest fires here. It would draw attention.

I phased and continued my night well into the early hours.

As the sun rose I heard Seth stirring. _I'm in Embry. Go get some sleep. Leah and I have the shifts today. And Quil said he's taking you shift tonight._

I was so grateful. I told him my thanks and ran to my house. I crashed on my bed without so much as eating. I let sleep take me as I felt the pain in my stomach grow sharper.

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The next chapter will be posted shortly.


	18. Captured

**WARNING: Violence, rape.**

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Ethan

I felt groggy. My head was swimming and as I opened my eyes, I couldn't see. I began to panic. My breath came in short gasps, and I realized I was bound. My heart beat rapidly.

Oh no.

I didn't know where I was or how I got there. I only knew that I was trapped, and possibly blind. I struggled against what was binding me. I thrashed about as best I could, and the more I struggled, the more I hurt. It felt like rope. Binding my arms and legs. I was on a wall or something.

I could feel bruises forming but I didn't care! I needed to get free.

I felt weak.

I heard a chuckle coming from somewhere in front of me and froze.

I let the sickeningly sweet voice wash through my senses. "Oh Ethan. My darling. I liked watching you struggle like that. One more reason you need to be punished." I heard footsteps echoing as he approached me. I felt his rough hand take hold of my face roughly and something was removed from my eyes. The light was blinding.

I squinted up at him as my eyes adjusted, "Alan." His lips curled and he showed my his perfect teeth, "You do remember me." His eyes brightened with cruelty. His lips crashed to mine and I tasted my blood as he bit into my lower lip. "You're sick Ethan. I need to help you understand. What you are is not right. But I can fix you," he whispered as he leaned away from me again. His already pale skin looked sickly under the harsh lighting. He turned from me and began lighting candles around the room.

I took in the room I was in. It had a low ceiling, but it all appeared to be concrete. I only saw one door in one of the corners. What caught my eye were two tables. One had a large bag on top, and the other was bare. I shuddered to think what was in store for me.

I looked down at myself. I still had on my running pants and long sleeved t-shirt. But in some places, they were torn, likely from my struggling against the chains that bound me. I looked back at Alan, watching his dark hair move as he went to the doorway. He locked it and then flipped the light switch. Leaving the room to be lit solely by the candles.

I felt the tears already welling behind my eyes. But I refused to let them fall, forcing anything I felt away. I became numb. Alan was back in my field of vision. He was smirking as he examined my body until he looked at my face. He slapped me, "You aren't allowed to zone out on me. I remember that." He slapped me again, this time I felt wetness run from where he hit me, but I remained numb to him. He had something attached to his left palm, must be what caused the wetness. He snarled at me, "Who have you been working out for, hm? You're bigger than I remember." He hit me again.

I didn't answer him. I didn't flinch, I didn't cry, I didn't make a sound. For thirty minutes he went on like this. He smirked after he hit me again. "I know what to do with you. Oh I know you will love it." He disappeared from my sight, my right eye was a bit blurry after taking so many hits. I was a little dizzy. But I refused to show anything.

I felt something soft come across my mouth and nose before I saw him hovering over me again, "Breathe Ethan. You'll be alright." Yes, breathe. This will all be over soon.

When I came to, I was lying face up on one of the tables I had noticed earlier. Something soft was under my hips, leaving them raised in the air. I tried to pull my arms free and felt something hard dig into my wrist. More chains.

I felt him touching me. His hands ran over my back lightly, sending shivers down my spine. I felt bile rise in my throat. I couldn't enjoy that. Not while he was touching me.

Alan snickered, "It's ok Ethan. I know you like it. I'm going to fix you. You'll feel so much better after." I tried to talk, but there was a gag in my mouth. I felt something dig into my shoulder and go across my back from one shoulder blade to the other. I groaned.

"You like that don't you? Sick boy." He trailed his fingers lightly across the wound he made. I knew he loved to hurt me, he liked to watch me bleed. But I didn't know if I believed him. I used to. I used to think I was sick. That there was something wrong with me. I didn't know what it meant to be gay. I let him fill my head with his thoughts on the subject. But I didn't know anymore…

He made quick slices through my skin, all across my back, shredding my shirt. And when I still hadn't made a noise after the last one, he let out a shout and, with his hands, scratched down the length of my back. I tried to scream. He made the wounds so much worse, connecting some to each other as he pulled away skin. I felt the water prick my eyes again.

I heard him sigh, "I need you to know, I don't enjoy doing this to you." Yes he did, I knew he did. Or he would stop now.

He cut what was left of my shirt off of me, balling it up and tossing it into a bin to one side of me. He cut my pants and boxers off of me. I shuddered as cold air blew over me. His rough hands ran along my spine, then down to my bottom and down my legs. I whimpered.

I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him to be near me. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream. But I couldn't I was too weak.

I groaned as something burning hot dripped onto my bottom. Candle wax.

He dripped it all along each leg and my whole bottom, before slashing small cuts like he did with my back. I groaned. He came around and bent to be eye level with me, smirking and I watched as he took a wooden paddle with holes cut into it and moved back around where I could not see. He slammed it against my bottom. I screamed around the gag.

Tears ran down my healing face, mixing with the blood. I knew what was coming.

He continued this manner of torture for some time. But I could handle this. I could.

He got up onto the table. "No one will have you this way. I have to finish what I started. You need to be cured." I felt him parting my cheeks. I was having trouble breathing.

He slammed his dick into me. I nearly choked. He removed the gag and I sobbed. "Can't have you dying on me here. You need to be cured, not killed."

I didn't need to be cured. He was the sick one. Pain inside and outside of me was building. I felt my disgust, but now I was angry. He needed to be cured. Fuck the bastard. Why couldn't I fight back? Why had I never fought back before!

I began struggling beneath him again. As I struggled, my anger grew. He must've had something in his hands because something slammed against my right arm and I screamed as my bone shattered. "I HATE YOU!"

He laughed behind me, ramming into me over and over again. He reached under me to take hold of my balls and squeezed hard, "I might be getting somewhere. You aren't hard at all."

My spirit rose to the surface as I allowed the full force of my feelings to rise from the surface and I could feel myself shifting. I should never have numbed myself. I should have fought back in the first place. I broke free of the chains.

I bucked Alan off of me, snarling. I landed on all fours over top of him, not fully aware of what was happening. Not feeling the pain from my right arm. I was vaguely aware of the red that surrounded me as I limped from the table. I heard nothing but my own breathing. I clawed at the door keeping me in until it gave way. I ran from the bunker I had been held in. I ran and ran and ran.

I eventually ended up at my house. I started the water to the tub, letting my arm heal back at odd angles. I sat in the water. Watching as the blood ran red. I screamed. I cried. I held myself. I was wrong.

I could have fought back that whole time. I did need to be cured, but not from being gay. But from my own naivety.

I was better than this. I deserved more than what I had been allowing. I didn't deserve to hurt.

I stood, turning the shower head on, letting it wash over my still healing wounds. I rinsed my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was almost healed. Mostly just bruises left. Over most of my back and shoulders and face. I broke my mirror.

I tried to eat, but threw it up. Over the next few hours I tried again and again, but each time I threw it up.

I was NOT going to allow this to happen again. I was not going to deny myself. I was not going to be hurt like this again.

I would not be a victim. I was a protector. I was a strong. I was more than that Ethan. I was not a child anymore. I was able to turn into a fucking big cat for goodness sakes!

What was I thinking?

It was time. It was time to see Embry. Time to talk to him.

I felt the pain in my chest, stronger than ever. I grabbed jeans and a shirt and ran to my Jeep. My heart beat so rapidly I worried it might give out.

I thought I knew what I was doing when I drove down the road to La Push beach. He was here, I could feel him. I was having trouble breathing as I shifted into park. I just wanted him to accept me, I needed it. He was all I could see when I closed my eyes. I started to shake when I opened the door of my jeep. I hadn't been able to keep food down, so I could feel how weak I was as my legs tried to hold me upright. I made it about halfway to the beach before I collapsed on the ground. I couldn't move anymore. My breath was coming in quick, sharp intakes and felt like knife stabs each time I inhaled. How was I going to get to him? "Embry," I managed to whisper. All I could think about was his smile, tears welling up in my eyes. All of the pain that I had been trying to keep down came to the surface, and my vision was tinted around the edges with black. I heard my name just before I let the darkness take me.

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 **Leave me your thoughts.**


	19. Scars

**I hope everyone is still with me and that these chapters are helping with any questions you might have while reading. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make it better.**

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Embry

I looked down at the body laying on the ground, pain wracked my soul. I knelt and brushed some of the dark hair from his face, away from the fading bruises and gently shifted him into my arms. My poor Ethan. My friend. My love. My mate. My imprint. How could this happen?

My body started to shake with anger with the thoughts of who had done this to him, but I looked at his sweet face once more and calmed, only able to think about getting him to safety. I ran with him in my arms, treading as lightly as possible so as to not jostle him too much. When I arrived at Emily's, Sam was outside with Embry and Claire. "Sam," my voice was quiet and shook as I spoke, "Ethan. Help." Sam ushered me inside and cleared the table where I gently placed Ethan. "Carlisle," he said as he pulled out his phone. I placed my forehead against Ethan's, "Stay with me baby." His heart was beating, but it was quiet, slow. I heard Sam talking in hushed tones as more of the pack pounded into the house.

A million and one thoughts ran through my head. I don't know when he became my baby, but all I could think about was the way his body had felt in my arms. I hadn't gotten to him soon enough. I was supposed to see him yesterday but I couldn't. If I had, he wouldn't be in this state. This was my fault. No, this wasn't my fault. I couldn't have known. But damnit! I wanted to protect him. And I hadn't been able to.

I lifted his shirt up, and I felt my body shaking and angry whispers coming from the pack around me as I exposed bruises. His face was scrunch up as if in pain. With help from Paul, I sat him up and removed his shirt. I laid him down on his front, and Paul folded the shirt and used it as a pillow under Ethan's head. Growls erupted in the room. Sam snapped at the pack and many of them filed out of the house before things got ugly. I nearly bit Paul when he tried to touch one of the still oozing cuts. Mine. My imprint. My fucking life line. We were linked whether he liked it or not. And this would NEVER happen again.

I snapped at Paul again, "Don't!" I growled, leaning over Ethan's body in a defensive position, dangerously close to phasing. Paul was shaking and snarling right back at me, but at Sam's demanding to leave the room, he backed off. I heard him stomping. I understood, I mean Ethan was his long lost family, but Ethan was MY imprint. The areas I felt my pain in mimicked Ethan's injuries. I had been feeling them for sometime now. But I hadn't thought…

I knew that sometimes imprints would feel the other's pain, but I hadn't known that was what had been happening to me. I nearly blacked out at times. Sam stood at the other side of the room and Emily handed him a bucket and sponge. He came nearer and I tried to tone down my snarls, but it was difficult. "I know. I'm going to leave this here," he sat the bucket on the edge of the table with the sponge, "Carlisle said he would be here shortly. He will examine him closer. He said you might feel more comfortable leaving him after you knew he was cleaner." I nodded and Sam left the room, giving me time to be with Ethan.

I found a towel hanging on the door knob just after Sam left the room and brought it to the table. I soaked the sponge in the warm water and took it as gently as I could across his shoulders first. I smoothed away the blood from the almost healed gash in his back. It became a rhythm, taking the sponge over his back over and over again.

I ran my hands over the scars. I had noticed them before on him, but never tried to pay too much attention. The pink line across his shoulders from the recent injury would be gone by tomorrow. But the harsh line that was just above it would never leave his body. So many marks and angry lines all across his back, so many scars from times past. How had I never really noticed this before? How had I not confronted him about these?

Would he have shrugged it off? Or would he have answered me. So many scars on his body. I imagined him shirtless, angry, about to phase. It would be a terrifying sight. Someone who had gone through so much and survived. Imagine what damage he could inflict.

But looking down at him, his face blank, his body healing, he looked so innocent. Harmless. My poor Ethan.

And there were more on his chest. And I imagine scars covered much of his body. I wanted him to wake up, tell me he was ok. Tell me these scars were from falling down out of sheer clumsiness. But I knew that was not the case. Not if these lingering hand prints were any sign.

"Oh Ethan," my voice was hardly audible.

I was drying his back as I heard footsteps approaching. Had I not been facing the door, I would have phased at the smell of the vampires. But I recognized the flash of hair as I looked up. I was calm as I stroked Ethan's hair. "Do I need to leave the room Carlisle? I don't know if I can," I trailed off.

I looked up at his empathetic eyes, "Sorry Embry. I will need you to leave. But if you could refill the bucket before I examine him, I might need it." I nodded and did as he asked. I kissed the top of Ethan's head, "Come back Ethan." I left the room.

I went from the room, out of the house, and phased. I ran. I heard Paul and Jake in my head.

Jake: _He'll be alright man._

Paul: _Who the fuck hurt my little cousin?_

I whined, _I don't know but I will kill them when I find out._

We ran for what seemed like ages before Jake had made it back to Sam's and told me I could come back.

When I arrived, Ethan was curled around a pillow on one of Sam's spare beds. I stopped in the door way, his face was peaceful. I felt a chilly hand rest on my shoulder, "Embry, could I talk to you?" I followed him to another room. I could hear no one else in the house, just Ethan's even breathing.

He led me to the yard. I should've known it was bad just from that. But I let him tell me. I let him explain. He really did try to break the news about Ethan gently. But when you learn that the person most important to you has to have his arm re-broken to set it right…And when you learn that on top of the torture, he was raped?

And on top of all that, it was not the first time.

I phased and ran. I howled. My pack was almost immediately in my head. Everyone from Paul to Jake to Seth was in my head listening as Carlisle's words repeated in my head on repeat.


	20. Dreaming?

Ethan

I remember waking up to talk to Carlisle. I remember recounting some of the acts to him. But I fell back into the dark when we discussed the rape. I fell into memories.

I have been raped more times than I would like to remember. Once is bad enough. But each time was more violent. The first time Alan used lubricant. He only hit me a few times. The next he didn't. He beat me unconscious. Then he started getting creative.

I used to believe him. Listen to someone long enough, you start to believe. I did deserve to be punished. Or so I thought.

No one deserves what he did to me. No one deserves to live with that.

I refuse to let him haunt me anymore.

In the darkness, kneeling in what feels like grass, a figure appeared in front of me. A feminine figure. "Ethan he can't haunt you unless you let him."

I felt water drip from my face. I didn't even know I was crying. "You have to let him go. Let yourself heal." She knelt in front of me, and I felt arms encase me. I looked up at the face of a white wolf. "Is any of this real?" A wolfy grin spread across her face, "If you believe it to be so. Which it is in your best interest to believe. Ethan, let go of your past. I'm not asking you to forget, because that won't happen. I'm not asking you to forgive. I'm asking you to let yourself be open. You will never move on. You will always be fighting if you don't. Fighting yourself. Fighting those around you."

I felt warm. I knew what she was asking. But could I do it? I just want to let go of everything, but I was scared. I knew it would only be the first step for me. There was something I wanted though. Someone. "How do I let go?" The arms tightened slightly, "You have to figure it out for yourself." In a voice that almost seemed disappointed she said, "Stop seeking solitary." The arms loosened up, and soon I was alone again.

I was cold. I didn't want to be cold. I wanted Embry. I felt like a child. All this fucking time I just wanted him to hold me. And what did I do? I pushed him away when he got to close. I didn't want to face my past. Well my past caught me. And I escaped.

I lifted my head, I escaped.

I saved myself.

I felt so helpless at first. Like it was every other time. But I am **stronger** now, than I was then. I had the capability this time, I just didn't realize it.

My habit was to seclude myself. That was all I used to want. But now I realized with Embry, I wanted more. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to understand. And I wanted to let go. I have spent far too long letting this control me.

I opened my eyes, someone warm was in front of me, holding me. I was in a room that was unfamiliar, yet I was comfortable. My head was cradled on the person's shoulder. I took a deep breath, "Embry." I felt him stir next to me. I wrapped my free arm around him and hugged him. He tried to pull away, but I tightened my hold on his shirt, "Don't move yet." He let out a long sigh, "Ethan. You shouldn't move that arm too much."

I looked up at him, gazing into his chocolate eyes. My world was complete when he was with me. I needed him. "What's wrong with my arm?" He looked surprised, his eyes wary, "That one was the broken one. It healed wrong. Carlisle had to re-break it. You didn't wake up. I was worried." The words streamed from his mouth. I pressed my forehead to his shoulder and breathed him in, letting myself focus on his scent. I surrounded us with it.

"I'm f- I'm physically fine. At least I don't feel too much pain. Just a little sore," I relaxed into his arms and allowed myself to calm as he tightened his grip. Of course then I realized how sore I still was. "Not so tight," he immediately let me go. I let him go too. Tentatively, I rolled onto my back. I left out a slight hiss, it still ached along my shoulders. Embry stayed where he was, watching me, keeping his hands to himself.

"You know I've been through this before," I heard his breath suck in. I reached out to take his hand, "It will be ok." I took his hand and held it to my face. "Let's take this one story at a time."

He held my hand gently, like he was afraid he might break me. I admit, once I had become aware of myself and my surroundings, that I felt a stinging pain shoot through the arm that had been broken. I jolted upright, clutching my head as a wave of nausea hit me. Remembering.

I felt the bed shift as Embry sat up, lightly resting a hand on my lower back. I jerked away from him and gritted my teeth. I didn't want to flinch from him, but with all that had happened I knew it would take some time to readjust.

I decided to talk to him. I mean, that was why I came in the first place, "The first time, I refused to let anyone touch me for months after." I noticed a glass of water on a table and took a small sip. It felt good, the cool liquid. I took a few more small sips until my stomach settled and took a long slow breath before turning to face Embry on the bed. He was sitting cross-legged, staring at his hands in his lap. His brow was furrowed, making him look angry.

I turned to face him, mirroring his position. "Embry?" He didn't look up. I took another slow breath, "It took me a long time to adjust to touch again the first time he raped me." My tone was so monotone that I felt like a robot, repeating words. "I had to readjust slowly with small touches. Handshakes first, small shoulder pats and so on." His face lowered even more but I went on, "It got easier to adjust each time. It just has to be on my terms." I reached out and took his hand in my own and he gasped, his eyes shooting up to bore into mine. His expression was startled. I rubbed my thumb back and forth across the back of his hand, then entwining our fingers.

I forgot how to breath as I stared back, admiring just how handsome his face was, how beautiful his eyes were. I wanted to touch him. I smiled as I let the reality of him sink in. This man was going to let me talk to him. He wanted to know me. He wanted to be around me. And I was going to let him. I was going to allow myself to get close to this person.

It would take some time, I knew, for me to recover from my most recent experience. But I had a new resolve. I would not let it control me this time. I would not let it hinder me. I would deal with it and when it became too much, I wouldn't become secluded like I used to. I would allow Embry to bear the weight with me if he wanted. Somehow, I knew he would.

His face softened as I kept staring at him. I let myself take in his appearance, cementing it into my mind. I closed my eyes and saw Alan's face staring at me with a menacing look. But slowly, I erased it. I replaced it with Embry. And then I opened my eyes, to continue staring at him with a slight smile.

We sat in silence for a long time. Eventually, I felt sleep tugging at my eyelids. "Would you mind laying down again?" I think the unexpected sound startled him because he jumped slightly. His face became confused but he did as I asked. Slowly, I followed, laying my head back where it had been on his shoulder and let my arm lay over his chest. I breathed him in, I could have died right then and been fine.

This was the most body contact I could stand, and only because it was him. Somehow it felt perfect. I didn't feel afraid, I wasn't sweating, panicking that he was so close and I was so vulnerable. Somehow, being with him, I felt safe. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. And I knew he would not allow me to be hurt.

"Would you mind pulling the blanket up?" He complied again, and after a few minutes, I felt him relax. I smiled into his chest and let my eyes close. As sleep encroached upon my consciousness, I would've sworn I heard him mumble, "You are a strange creature Ethan. And I love you."

But it could've been a dream.


	21. Council, Sparring

**I'm so sorry this update is late! But I hope** **you're enjoying how the story is progressing. If you have any comments I'd love to know them. And I hope that my writing isn't terrible. Thank you very much to the people who review and send me messages! And thank you so much to all the lovely people reading! Sorry I talk so much.**

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I woke up to one arm around me loosely, and my face laying on Embry's chest. I knew it was him by his smell. I loved how I felt. I could almost forget what had happened when I was laying right here. I understood, I think, some of what he meant about the imprint. When I was with him, my world did feel whole. I felt right when I was with him. But I didn't think it had to be romantic. But that was exactly what I wanted. Even with everything that happened…

I gently lifted myself from his grasp, off the bed, and wandered to the bathroom. I took in my appearance. All my bruises were nearly gone. I suppose they were worse than I expected for them to still be present at all… But.

I turned on the shower, hoping that I wouldn't wake Embry. He looked so peaceful when I left him. I smiled to myself and stripped my clothes. My arm seemed to be healed, at least I could move it. Though it hurt. Bone breaking must take longer to heal than most. Of course it would, what is wrong with me? I shook my head and tried to keep that arm out from under the water so as not to get the makeshift cast wet.

I watched as steam filled the room. I enjoyed how the water hit my shoulders. It made me feel clean again. Clean from the events that transpired with Alan. Clean from the negativity I always carried. Maybe I could simply be? I shrugged to myself. I could feel the shaking images creeping into my mind. And instead of fighting them as I often did, I allowed them to come. They did not overtake me this time. I remembered that they weren't real, even though I felt as if I was there. Any memories of that would not happen again. I felt the pain cut through my shoulder as the images faded. And I spoke aloud to myself, "That will never happen again." I watched as the water briefly swirled red from the cuts I had made in my palms with my nails.

I resumed my shower without falling, with out any other injury or annoyance. And I felt refreshed when I stepped out and began to towel off. Just as I wrapped a towel around my hips, Embry entered the room. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, at first he didn't seem to notice me. And of course, I hadn't brought in any extra clothes.

Embry stared at me, not with any particular emotion on his face, just let his eyes roam over my exposed body. I shivered briefly. I knew he was seeing all of my scars for the first time, so well defined by the light. His hand reached toward me slowly and stopped with space still between us. I stepped forward just enough so that his hand would touch my shoulder. I felt my body stiffen in response to his touch. But he let me accustom to it, waiting until I relaxed. His fingers traced the marks in my skin, focusing mainly on one just under my collar bone that was curved and resembled a crescent moon.

I tried to pay attention to my breathing, but soon his touch made me straighten my back, feeling myself warm. I bit my bottom lip and took his hand in mine, removing it from my chest and letting go. "I think I should get dressed," I looked at the ground, trying to focus on anything else. He stepped aside and I went to move past him. He caught my arm and gently turned me back to face him. As I looked up at him I realized just how close he was and my breath hitched. His lips touched mine. Just that little amount of connection made my face heat up, I could feel the blush spread across my face. He pulled away and soon I was outside the bathroom, and the door was shut between us.

I touched my lips, rubbing my finger across where they burned. I very much wanted to do that again. If he kissed me, then clearly he had no issue with me. Not with what I wanted from him. And that thought made me smile as I meandered back to the room to find clothes.

* * *

Embry

I didn't mean to find a half naked Ethan in the bathroom. I didn't mean to touch him. But god he looked so good. Water still dripping down his slender, toned body. I noticed the scars almost immediately after that thought, almost as if to remind myself that he needed time and space. But he let me touch him. And though his skin was marred, it was surprisingly soft.

I didn't mean to kiss him, but I needed it in that moment. I wanted to do so much more. But he had been through so much, I didn't need to traumatize him more. But I needed more contact. When I spun him around, I saw the brief confusion on his face and then all I could feel was him. With such a small amount of contact, I didn't think my body would burn the way it did. I wanted to destroy the person that had hurt him. And with any luck I would. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to love him. Love? Did I love him? Of course I did. Unsurprisingly too, most imprint relationships, if they end up romantic, involve love, or at least a deep level of attraction and care.

I turned to face the empty bathroom. There was a reason I came in here…Oh yeah. To use the toilet. And to shower.

* * *

Pack and Council

Jake's voice was firm, "It doesn't matter if the imprint is male. Has an imprint ever been wrong?" There were grumblings in the room, "You thought Renesmee was wrong, but now the Cullen's are allowed on our territory, and we have never been more safe. Our patrols turn up less and less rogue vampires, and when they do, there are less injuries. So why should the great spirits and ancestors be wrong now? All of a sudden?" Sam began to nod in agreement, "We work better when we trust in our land."

Some of the older council members had looks of absolute disgust on their faces. Jacob stepped forward again, his face hardening, becoming menacing, "He is descended from the Lahote family. They double imprinted on each other. So tell me, why does he not belong?" The edge to his voice undoubtedly came from his wolf, angry at the threat to his pack.

"You say the boy imprinted on Embry? And you know Embry imprinted on Ethan as well?" Jacob nodded to the council. They seemed to try and discuss whether or not they should allow such a thing to happen on the reservation. Sam spoke up, "It is not something you can just allow. It is sacred It has happened. There is no stopping it or ending it. It simply is. Imprinting was supposed to be one of the most sacred events in our tribe. You do not have the authority to change that. No one does."

Even though much of the pack was leery at first to the male and male imprint, they knew how it worked first hand or through the minds of fellow packmates. They knew much better than the elders. Billy Black looked to his fellow council members, having decided some time ago that it was a true joining. He glanced back at his son and the men that made up the packs that protected them, "I think it will take some adjusting on our part. But you both are right. We have no say in such a matter. We will see you later when the imprints have healed."

And with that the choice was made. It would be easier the next time a pack matter became a matter for the council to advise or look at. The pack sighed in relief and Paul soon was rushing out, back to Sam's house where his cousin was supposed to be healing.

* * *

Ethan

Paul charged into the room just as I pulled on a shirt. "Ethan. You're alright, right? Come here, let me make sure, fucking can't believe all this." He pulled me roughly to stand in the middle of the room and removed the shirt I had just put on. He didn't seem to notice the way my body stiffened in response to his scrutiny. But I knew he wasn't going to stop until he was satisfied. He hugged me then, in a one armed, awkward embrace. "I swear if you tell the others about this I'll make you miserable, but I'm glad you're alright. You're just about all I have left when it comes to family," He stepped away and threw my shirt back at me. The look on his face was some odd mixture of satisfaction and embarrassment, I couldn't help but grin, "I thought you were the tough guy. Who knew you had a soft side? Well, probably Rachel." He laughed at me and gave me a little shove.

Paul and his frequent touching and pushing would hopefully allow me to readjust quicker, since he wouldn't baby me. He was apparently in a good mood, because the next thing I knew, he was tugging me outside where the rest of the guys were waiting, along with some of the Cullen's.

A small hand clutched mine tight and I turned to find Nessie standing next to me. She raised her hands slowly and touched my face, cradling me. The images I got were fast a blurry, confusing. But I was there, and I stood with her. Both of us crouched, ready for something. And then the feelings came, anger, and comfort. What an odd mix? The next thing I knew, she was hugging me. And her frame shook as she exhaled. "Aw Ness I'm alright! C'mon stop being silly." She leaped away from me in one smooth motion and then she was running at me. Everyone scattered and I was left circling her. I thought of the most dreadful smells, garbage, sewage, rot. And I let the smell surround me as I began to phase. This felt right. I briefly noticed the faces around me as their noses wrinkled in disgust, the reaction I was wanting. But it didn't slow Renesmee.

Forgetting everything, I let myself be consumed by my animal. He was happy to be free again, and we moved in perfect synchrony. We were becoming closer, before when I phased it felt like I was being pulled in different directions, but this time, even with the stink I had brought to life, I felt more at peace.

A slight growl emanated from my chest as we leapt at each other. This was new for us. Different. I relished the feeling as Ness and I ran into each other. I needed this. We both clashed again and again. I flung her back and I heard the echo of the others talking as we sparred. They commented on my animal form, on whether or not they should stop us, whether or not we should be doing this so soon. But Paul told them not to worry. He knew we needed this.

Renesmee had been worried about Billy who was sick, she had been dealing with the pack.

She landed on my back, taking hold of some of my fur, and we took off into the forest. This time, we were followed by howls.

I was faster. With her hanging onto me, I climbed a tree and leapt between branches. I focused on the smells around us, overpowering our own scents with the wood and earth. Hopefully masking our scents. Renesmee showed me a picture of a place she had been before with Bella and I charged off in that direction.

Successfully away from the pack, we could still hear their howls in the distance. They didn't need to worry. I closed my eyes, Embry.

His mental voice was shocked, Where did you go? You shouldn't be phased yet! And why were you fighting with Nessie? What's going on!

I felt his panic, but all I felt was calm, We are both fine. We'll return later. Give us some time. I promise it's all ok. I showed him an image of a creek, Meet me there when the sun sets.

I cut him out. I didn't want him and the others to worry too much, but I also didn't want them interrupting our time together.

I jumped down through the trees to land softly on the forest floor and Nessie jumped off to land a few feet in front of me. She smirked at me, "I knew this was a good idea." We ran at each other, I was elated. I knew we both were in no danger. I knew this was just to have fun.

Sometime later, we slowed. Both of us taking longer deeper breaths to slow our heart rates. I felt my animal give a happy sign as I began to phase back. And then I remembered I had no clothes with me. Luckily, Ness was not watching me, and instead was watching the sky. I practically ripped a bush out of the ground to cover myself with and went to sit near her. "Sorry," I told her as I sat, feeling my face turn red. She simply grinned and handed me her jacket to wrap around myself. "Thanks," after slipping it around me, I relaxed. We watched the clouds take on different shapes in the sky and barely spoke, enjoying the silence and the company of each other. I kept the smell around us of the forest so we could stay like this until we decided to leave.

As the clouds weaved around the sun, sometimes blocking it completely from view, Renesmee spoke in a hushed tone, "I'm worried that we're missing something. I get the feeling that something is still wrong. And I don't know what is coming." A breeze seemed to whisk away her words as it swirled around us. "I mean, I keep thinking that you being taken was the vision, but we were hardly involved at all. So there must be more." I shrugged, something nagging at my mind, "I don't know. But whatever is coming will come, and we will deal with it." What else could we do?

The sun was falling in the sky, and it was casting bright red and orange streaks through the sky. Nessie stood and began walking away from me, giving me room to phase. I threw her jacket some feet from me and felt him shifting inside me, as if he were stretching. I shook out my fur as I crouched on all fours. I was a snow leopard again, I could tell from the coloring of my paws. Ness hopped onto my back and we sprinted off, back in the direction of Sam's house since that was probably where everyone was still. When we got within about a quarter of a mile from it, she jumped down and gave me a brief hug, "See you later Ethan." And this time, we ran in opposite directions.


	22. Fading Sun

**I am SO sorry for how long it took me to get this chapter up! I will try to get the next few up sooner this time. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted it to be, so I REALLY hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think and as always, thank you so much for reading and following/favoriting this!**

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When I came upon the site I found Embry sitting on a rock, staring into the creek. I approached him slowly, almost cautiously. He looked up when I was close and he reached a hand out to me, to ruffle my fur and I nuzzled his hand. "I brought you some clothes," he held up a pouch in my direction. I gently took it in my mouth and moved off, just out of sight to phase back.

I pulled on the jeans and one of his shirts and walked out to sit beside him, perching myself on the same rock. "Thanks. I didn't really want to spend all my time as a cat." He chuckled and picked up a stick and stuck the tip into the water, "So. You go out. You go out, you phase when you are still healing, and then you start fighting." He paused and looked up at me, "Are you okay Ethan?"

Why wouldn't I be? I scrunch my face in confusion, "We were just sparring. We were fine, we needed that." He gave me an odd look before facing the creek again.

We sat in silence, only the sounds of the forest surrounding us. I wanted to reach out and touch him. Just scoot closer and have our arms touch, hold his hand, anything. Just so we would be touching. I was craving the contact that I used to fear.

And as if our bodies knew that, we both found ourselves leaning much closer than we started. "Are you okay Embry?" I watched the side of his face as he closed his eyes and tilted his head toward the breeze, allowing his short hair to be ruffled by the wind. He breathed in the crisp air and ten tilted his face toward me, his eyes opening and staring straight into mine. I was struck by the edges of his face, by how the fading sun made his face alight and accentuated how handsome he was. His eyes caught mine, and I smiled at him as he spoke, "I am fine. I was worried, you know? Worried you weren't okay, that something was wrong. But knowing you are alright, knowing you are safe makes me feel so much better. I still cannot believe what happened. There is so much I want to do about the situation, and yet, I don't know what I can actually do." He reached for me, pulling me into an embrace, his arms wrapping around me in a gentle, but firm hold.

"I can't stand to know that I was unable to protect you. I can't stand to know that something so vile happened to you. And then when you and Nessie took off, I was scared that something had happened or something." He took a deep breath, tightening his grip just enough that it agitated my back, but he must have felt my twinge and immediately relaxed his grip. He pulled away from me just enough that we could look at each other, without our faces touching. "Ethan, I want you to be able to talk to me. I want you to know, that no matter what it is, I will listen. I want you to know, that if you need anything at all, I will try to give it to you," a smile graced his lips, "But realize, that it may be rather difficult to fetch the moon down from space for you."

Our grins grew slowly across our faces until we were both laughing and it was nice, peaceful to just be there with each other. But a shudder passed through me as I thought about Alan. Would he find me again? I pulled Embry in close again, moving my onto the back of his head, stroking his hair and watched his face turn serious again, with only a hint of a smile, letting me know he was comfortable with the contact. The sky was beginning to turn dark with blues and purples taking over, and Embry was right in front of me, open as always. Why hadn't I noticed sooner? He felt so perfect, one hand resting on my hip, the other on my back, so close, so warm. I moved slowly, deliberately and our lips brushed gently. I moved slightly away, looking for any sign that he didn't want this, and leaned in again, this time longer. Again I did this, controlling the pressure, the length of contact, always keeping the kiss short and light.

When I smiled at him, he smiled back, his eyes so bright. I pulled his face back down to mine, this time firmer, more confident, kissing him for longer. My mouth moved against his and our breath mingled, sending a shiver down my spine as I tasted him. He matched my pace, letting me be in control of every move, and when our mouths separated, we took deep breaths to replenish our air supply, leaning our foreheads together.

I moved and held him to me tight, resting my face in the crook of his neck, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't accept the imprint. I'm sorry I hid from you. I was afraid. I was very afraid. I hadn't really accepted myself yet. You know?" He ran his hands up and down my back in a soothing rhythm, "I get it. I mean, it can be tough. It was hard when I phased for the first time, thinking I was some weird freak. And then on top of that, I was never really interested in anyone. Being a teenager, sharing the mind of a whole group of angsty teenage boys, I was the odd one out. Sure people are attractive, but I never really wanted anyone. No one until you. I never expected to imprint on a guy. I never expected to imprint at all honestly. But then there you are. You know when it happened? I kept feeling this pull when we met, but I hadn't really looked at you until we were running, and then you ended up laying on top of me, staring down at me with those eyes of yours. It was hard not to let it show, not to be overprotective, I mean, I knew the pack would find out eventually, but I wanted to think about what it meant first."

I leaned back to look at him while he spoke, "So I thought about it. Was I meant to never find a partner in life? No girlfriend? Just a friend? And then I noticed how I saw you, how I wanted to hold your hand, how I wanted to be the one to make you smile. But I thought, am I destined to have a friend for life? Or would he be open to something more with me? And I questioned, because you are sometimes hard to read you see. And I wondered if you would even want me, even if you happened to be gay or anything. And the pack, surprisingly enough gave me very little grief about anything. Hardly cracked any jokes at my expense. Probably because everyone seemed to like you."

I felt the my face warming the whole time he spoke, and he smiled and leaned down to nuzzle my cheek, "And you kissed me. And it only made me more curious to know what was going on in your head when you pushed me away. Every day away from you a slow ache would grow in my chest. And it was the imprint, trying to tell me to go to you, to see you. The imprint does not want us to be apart, but even without it I wouldn't want to be away from you for long."

"Embry, if you don't stop my face might burn off…" I patted his shoulder before running my hand down the length of his arm to intertwine our fingers, "You know. I fought it because I didn't know either. I didn't know if you would be open to that, or if I could handle anything of the sort." He kissed me softly, and whispered against my lips, "And now?" I smiled and whispered back, "I know I want to be right here." He leaned back again and stood, pulling me up with him. He took my chin in one hand and placed his other arm around my back, tilting my body and my face to look at him, "I love you Ethan." My heart swelled, I felt lightheaded as he kissed me again.

This man wanted me, he loved me. And he was not lying. He was not trying to play a prank on me. He accepted me, probably before I accepted myself. And he loved me.


	23. A New Beginning

**I apologize for the wait! It would be a very long note to explain why it took so long, SO! I hope you are enjoying, and I hope everyone likes this chapter. Leave me your thoughts.**

* * *

Embry

We walked back to the house hand in hand. This young man with me, I loved him. He was perfect for me. He challenged me to think from his point of view, to think about who I am. I was scared when I discovered my feelings for him at first. But I accepted it relatively quickly, so I had more time to think about what would happen between us.

He didn't say I love you. But I can wait. At least for now, he isn't running away. At least for now he seems to want to be with me.

I pulled our hands up to kiss the top of his hand, and smiled down at him. His face lit up and we stayed in silence as we went.

Some of the pack was sparring outside with Renesmee and she twirled in the air, facing us with a wink as she practically flew away from Seth, his brow furrowed in concentration until he saw us. His eyes widened as a grin broke out across his face. Ness landed on top of him with a laugh, declaring herself the winner of their sparring.

Some of the pack whistled, and Paul stormed over to us, a firm, serious look on his face, crossing his arms tight over his chest so that his muscles bulged, as if he were trying to intimidate me. He stopped just inches from my face. Subtle growls came from the pack observing. My instinct was to pull Ethan behind me, to shield him in case Paul decided to start a fight. Even though he is much better at controlling his anger, I was still leery around him, even if he was Ethan's cousin. But as I tried to tug Ethan behind me a bit, a smirk came across Paul's face. "You guys should know better than to just disappear. Emily and Ness made dinner," and then he took off running with a bark of a sound toward the house.

Seth followed almost immediately after him and we heard their shoving from outside. Jacob and Renesmee smiled at us and Sam motioned for everyone to go into the house for dinner, his face neutral as usual.

Dinner was it's usual laughter and jokes as we ate, with the added smiles and winks to me anytime Ethan and I brushed arms or shoulders from Jake and Ness. "I'm glad the council has finally seen reason. No imprint has ever been wrong," Jacob stated, as he wrapped an arm around Renesmee. Embry flicked his eyes to him, curious as to why they went to the council without him and felt Ethan stiffen beside him, felt the anxiety roll off of him and I took his hand underneath the table in an attempt to comfort and discover the source of his discomfort. "They tried to decide if they could _allow_ such a thing," Seth said with a distinct feel of disgust, "But as Sam told them, there is no deciding involved. It happened, it is, and no one can change it." Sam looked down the table, "No imprint has ever been wrong."

Jake smiled, "They said Ness and I were wrong, but we are safer than we have ever been from rogue vampires. The elders are being jarred from their what they believe is normal. Change is difficult when you have been around for so long I guess." He chucked a roll at Paul who caught it and tore it in half, "We know better than to interfere with imprints." Leah took half of the roll from his hand, "I believe we can drop the subject. Ethan." She gave him a pointed look with a hint of a smile and then forked some potatoes into her mouth.

Ethan remained tense for the rest of the night, even after everyone left. "Do you want to go back to my house Ethan? I don't want to intrude on Emily and Sam too much," he shrugged and by the time we arrived home he had only relaxed a little. He sat in a chair in the kitchen while I heated up some water for tea. I set a steaming mug in front of him and moved to stand behind him, gently placing my hands on his shoulders and began to rub circles into them, massaging, trying to ease him. He took a sip of his tea and leaned his head low as I worked on his neck. I felt him relax under my touch. I was surprised how willing he was for me to touch him. But then, since we talked, I _felt_ him become more open to me.

* * *

Ethan

When Embry began massaging my neck, I was surprised how comfortable I was with him. His gentle touch soothed me, I craved it. I sighed and leaned on to the table to give him more access to my shoulders and back.

"Tell me Ethan, what is bothering you?"

I didn't move, didn't react, but that question made me think. Not knowing what happened to Alan bothered me, having an entire community question my bond to Embry bothered me, having that same community dislike that we are bonded because we are both male made it worse. But could I actually voice my worries out loud? For some, I imagine, telling someone else all their woes is easy, pleasant even. But it has always been a struggle for me.

But.

This is Embry.

I made my mouth move, "Which one do you want to know?" I felt him shifting, and soon he was leaning down and around me, enfolding me in his arms and I leaned back into the comfort. He moved to sit beside me, running a hand down my arm to take my hand in his as we spoke. "All of them. Any of it."

I shifted back and ran my thumb lightly over his hand, "Well tonight, I know it shouldn't bother me, or I assume it shouldn't, but the council knowing my secrets bothers me. Questioning, and disliking…well, us. I only just accepted it myself, and I couldn't even be there to defend myself. Dislike is something I am used to. But, I don't know. It's just not easy to accept." Em smiled at me, "I understand that. But trust me, this was one we didn't need to be a part of." I couldn't tell if I believed him or not, but I nodded and scooted my chair closer to his, reaching to his face, I ran my hand along his cheek, into his hair to feel the softness, before pulling it back to my lap, heat spreading through my face.

With my eyes downcast, I whispered out the words, "And I don't know what happened. To Alan. I don't know if he is still in the area. Or if he fled. I don't remember anything other than breaking down the door and running." I exhaled, looking back up to Embry's face. I saw the tension in his face, the rage trying to hide in his eyes.

I did something neither of us expected in that moment.

I kissed him, long and slow. Tracing his bottom lip with my tongue, I asked for entrance. He opened his mouth just a hair and I slipped my tongue into his mouth to taste him. I bit his bottom lip gently, then kissed it, and continued kissing him. With my free hand, I drew him closer, intensifying our kiss. I drew it out with long stroking sweeps of my tongue through his mouth and he groaned. My ears were delighted to hear the noise.

Realizing what I was doing, I slowed my pace, backed off of the kiss some. Became gentler, until the last kiss was only a peck of closed lips. I slowed my breathing. "Sorry. I-uh…" I didn't know how to continue that thought. I didn't know why I kissed him, but I didn't regret it. He leaned his forehead against mine and spoke, "We'll figure it out. Try not to worry about it too much. I won't let anything hurt you if I can prevent it. How about we discuss it in the morning?"

* * *

Embry

I could still taste him, still feel his mouth against mine, but I needed to calm down. He moved away after my question, agreeing with a yawn to discuss the vile creature that violated him in the morning. Bile rose in my throat as I thought of it. But I shook my head and gathered the few dishes, putting them in the sink for the time being. I led Ethan to my room and gave him some pajamas to wear for the night. To give him some privacy, I went back to the kitchen to finish the dishes. My head was swimming. I could see Ethan in my mind, see the look on his face after he kissed me, tinged with pink, eyes practically glowing. I wanted him. My heart pounded when his lips touched mine, when his tongue stroked the inside of my mouth. But we had been discussing such a terrible being beforehand. I don't know how he switches so easily. Or at least make it seem so easy.

I wanted to hold him.

Drying my hands I made my way back to my room where Ethan was already asleep, curled around one of my pillows. I quickly changed into pajama pants and climbed in behind him, kissing his temple before curling around him. I wrapped my arms gently around him and felt him shift into me, as he cuddled closer. We fit together so perfectly, and he isn't too much shorter than me. I sighed against him before falling asleep.


	24. Flutter

I woke to the sound of a heart beating beneath my ear, Embry. I looked up to see his face angled at me, as if he was watching over me. Though I knew he was still asleep by the sound of his gentle snore. I was perfectly happy to lay right where I was, my body practically molded into him, but my bladder protested. I moved carefully from him, trying not to wake him. Standing next to the bed, I watched his face. He really was handsome. Even the crook in his nose, most likely from it being broken at some point. I wandered to the bathroom and when I was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror. My marks were gone. No more physical trace left from Alan. At least, not from the recent issue. I knew that I would have to make sure he was gone. For good this time. My nightmares would return if I didn't. I needed to know. I needed to know that I could be free from worry of him, that I could be with Embry and never flinch from his touch. I needed to be sure that I could be happy. And somehow, knowing Alan was gone from here would help me to heal. I was letting Embry in to my heart more and more. Not that he wasn't already there, but I was really beginning to allow myself to feel him. I didn't want to push him away anymore. I wanted to be with him.

As I crawled back into the bed, Embry pulled me in close, wrapping his arms around me tight, as if I would disappear. The action touched me on a level I barely understood. I would protect him, just as he would me. I looked at his face as his hold lessened slightly. Reaching to touch his face, I admired him. I kissed the tip of his nose, each cheek, then his lips, feather light. He mumbled my name before he captured my lips, hugging me tighter. I buried one hand in his hair, holding his face with my other. The kiss was fierce, and yet tender. I loved the taste of him. His heady scent washed through me, and soon our tongues clashed. I could kiss him all day and be happy, if my body would allow it. He rolled on top of me and I could feel our erections brush through our sleepwear. I moaned at the sensation.

I had never allowed anyone to be intimate with me. I had never felt this before. I wanted him, but I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if this was a step I could take. But I kept kissing him as he ground against me gently. I broke away to take a breath as his eyes came open. He froze, taking a deep breath. He quickly moved off of me, and lay down next to me, with some distance between us, only touching my face with his hand, "Are you okay Ethan?" The concern in his eyes was astounding to me. He was the only one who had ever touched me like this, the only one who ever stopped. And he was the one I wanted to share this experience with.

But maybe not yet.

I kissed the inside of his palm, "I'm okay. Good morning, Em." He gave me a small smile and took one of my hands to his mouth, "Good morning handsome." He kissed each of my knuckles before pulling my hand to his chest to lay it over where his heart beat. I felt his eyes bore into me, I loved to watch his face. And then, our moment was unceremoniously broken by our stomachs growling. "Breakfast?" He nodded at my question and soon we were headed toward the kitchen.

We laughed as we made omelets and spilled the milk all over the counter. We were much more carefree than we had ever been together. He would wrap his arms around me from behind as I added things to our omelets. I would take his hand and kiss it before pretending I would eat it out of sheer hunger.

It was nice.

We spilled the milk wen I was attempting to pour each of us a glass and he pulled me against his side a little rougher than he meant to. I could get used to this playful teasing in the mornings.

We ate quietly though, because the next step for the day was to discuss Alan and what to do about the situation.

"Do you think you can remember how you got home? The trail back?" I sighed as I dried the plates we had used. "Maybe. I can try, but we would have to start at my house and go from there since that was where I fled to." Embry nodded as he washed the last of the dishes and set them in the drying rack. "Let me get some of the pack together," I looked at him as he started to walk out of the kitchen. Before he did though, he turned around and kissed the top of my head, "I'll only ask Paul and Jacob. How about that?" I nodded, I didn't want this to become a huge pack issue. I had already been enough trouble as it was.

When we eventually arrived at my house, Paul, Jacob, and Emmett were all waiting, just barely hidden in the tree line of my backyard. I phased and called each name into my head so as to establish a link with them. Though Jacob would normally have led, they allowed me to lead the way, flanked by Jacob and Embry. Images raced through my mind as we ran. Alan laughing just before he kissed me. Chains keeping me in place. Red. So much red. Blood draining in my shower once I had gone home.

I made a quick succession of turns as I listened to the different voices in my head, and the shines from the wolves. I forgot that since I had linked to them, they could see those images. I apologized quickly and kept going. I slowed to a walk as we approached an area of small hills, almost as if hobbits had taken up home here. There was a narrow stone path, that really was hardly identifiable due to the grass and plants that were overgrowing. A darkened spot caught my eye and I leaned to sniff it. Blood.

Mine and someone else's it seemed. It hardly contained a scent due to the length of time it had been dried. We kept going and Emmett walked ahead of me, "I see a building."


	25. Tough

I am trying to balance everything, and clearly not succeeding. I will try to get the next one up as soon as possible!

* * *

The building looked like some mix between a log cabin and a stone house. The door was ajar, swinging lightly in the wind. Everyone began to crouch, going into "stealth mode." Embry led the way into the house while Emmett held the door, followed by Paul and myself, and then Jacob. The room was mostly clean, aside from bloodied paw prints. And I immediately went to a door broken off it's hinges and down the stairs to the basement in which I had been kept, jumping over the door that had been shredded. I placed my paws on the prints. These were mine.

I felt my stomach lurch, whining as I went around the room. I saw the chains and rope around the room. But the table on it's side is what caught my attention. The floor was darkened as I approached, blood stains. And as I rounded the table I saw part of Alan laying. His body torn apart, only his torso, mostly intact lay before me.

 _I did this. I killed him. I killed someone. I did it. Blood. So much blood._

In my mind I could see the blood swirling down the drain in my shower. There was so much. It wasn't just mine. I killed Alan.

I stood rigid over the partial body, unable to move, unable to function.

 **Embry**

 _Ethan? Ethan, what do you mean you killed him? Are you sure?_

As we closed our eyes, we all could see the images of when Ethan had been held here, we could smell the blood, almost feel the pain.

I ran to his side, trying to nudge him toward the stairs. I phased back, "Ethan we have to go."

I tried to move him, but his tiger body wouldn't move, wouldn't shift.

Jacob came down in his human form, a grim look on his face. Ethan began to shake. I lifted him in my arms, with Jacob's help, and we removed him from the building.

We took him some yards away and set him down. He was still rigid. His legs were practically locked, I didn't know if I could calm him, if I could reach him. I knelt in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck, "Ethan."

I repeated his name, nuzzling into his fur, whispering his name. I felt him tremble and then I felt him shifting. He slowly became smaller in my arms, becoming human. I quickly covered him and helped to dress him as I watched his face. Frozen in shock it seemed, his eyes were wide and his mouth was a tight line.

Jacob and Emmett were talking to each other as I clothed Ethan and tried to talk to him. "I don't blame him in the least. Did you see that in your head too? I would've done worse had I been him," Emmett mumbled to Jake.

"He must have blocked it out or something. That was a pretty gruesome sight in there. How are we going to clean this up?"

They continued on for a bit about what to do and how to deal with it, but I could only focus on how silent Ethan was. "Come on, we can deal with this, you know? Wake up. Let's go home. We can make a cake and watch a movie or whatever you want to do, but we have to move Ethan. Please."

I pulled his head into the crook of my neck and kissed the top, holding him. His arms came around me quickly, and in such a firm grip that he startled me. I could feel his tears on my chest, but he didn't make a sound, just shivered every once in a while. Jake and Emmett stayed close enough to hear, but far enough that I couldn't see them, watching out for us.

In barely a whisper, I heard him, "I'm a murderer."

I tried to talk to him but he cut me off, "I killed him Em. I tore him apart. It doesn't matter what he did to me, because I did something atrocious back. And now I am no better than him. Because I shredded him. I deserved it."

I pushed him back slowly, his face solemn. "You think just because you killed him, that you deserved what he did to you? You never deserved what he did. No one did. He deserved far worse than what you gave him. He was a low down, good for nothing, ass that lived to torture. He committed far more crimes than you. He was a sick creature, Ethan. Nothing can change what has transpired with any of it, but he deserved a hell of a lot worse. And I am sure that Emmett would agree whole heartedly. Isn't that right?"

From a short ways off, we heard him holler, "Hell yeah. Shit like him doesn't deserve to breathe. Ask Edward sometime."

"We need to be moving soon," Jake hollered back, "We will take care of things somehow. Let's get home and take some showers."

Paul, who until now had been missing after we entered the house, came from the tree line still in his wolf form. He moved slowly toward us and he nuzzled Ethan with such a tender look in his eyes, that it made my breath catch. I had never seen him so sentimental before. Sure we had seen him be kind with Rachel, but I think he still tries to put on a show when we are all around. But after this, I am positive that she knows a much gentler side of him than us.

We walked in human forms back toward Ethan's home. His hands were clenched so tight in a fist, his knuckles were turning color. I gently touched his left arm, stroked my right hand down to his hand and gently pried it loose, and laced my fingers with his. He cupped my hand in his and took our hands up to his face. He stared at our hands for a moment, looking thoughtful, before lightly touching his mouth to the back of my hand. I wrapped my left hand around his forearm, as if he were escorting me and his right hand came to rest on top of that hand.

We walked the whole way like that, in silence, with only the rustle from the trees in the breeze to make any noise.


End file.
